Simultaneously, Aiden called and Sara, our Box Office Manager came flying into the Scene Shop.
Both said, "Adelaide, a plane has flown into the World Trade Center!"
Sara and I rushed into the staff lounge which had a small television she had already turned on. I still had Aiden on the phone as he and his office were crowded around a television. We were utterly horrified for what had to be a huge loss of life.
Just as Aiden said, "I wonder how a pilot could have..." the second plane hit the other tower, and we, like the rest of the country realized we were under attack.
In shock we continued watching. Then the Pentagon was struck.
"Adelaide, we're closing the office and going home..."
"We're leaving too!"
As we both arrived home and turned the television on, the South Tower collapsed. He knew people who worked in it. Though not personally, I knew of actors and artists who worked and had studios in the Towers.
Aside from all the other humanity.
Before the North Tower came down, Flight 93 came down in Pennsylvania.
Our hearts shattered for the terrible loss of life.
We each began making and receiving calls and getting and sending Emails from friends checking on us because suddenly that is what everyone did. To just be close...to connect with those who mattered in the midst of a horrible, tragic nightmare no one knew where the end of the attack was yet.
Hours later we were grateful we had to go check on and feed our two horses. Though calming of course, not even the peace and innocence of our horses could take away the horrors of that day, still unfolding.
Fast forward twenty years.
None of us, especially me, could imagine that less than two years after 911, Aiden would suddenly be gone and the profound sorrow of losing him. I have continued surviva-soaring because that is what I do. Yet there are moments which will come out of nowhere and I grieve for him so much. I grieve for the journey we were on together, now gone, and for what we shared...for what we planned.
It hit, and it hit so hard on the Twenty Year Anniversary for September 11, 2001. I just happened to check the BBC for news to see their Live Coverage in NYC...right when Bruce Springsteen sang, "I'll See You In My Dreams." The words are about losing one we love, miss them, and how we see them in our dreams. And I do.
This has been a very hard week since hearing the "Dream" song on September 11th. The sorrow, the missing, and longing all came flooding back. It is when my challenges are the hardest, like my current living situation, I miss Aiden so deeply.
My spinal cord disease is worsening. In these recent months the medicine keeping my colon working has become less effective. The bladder barely functions.
Pain and nausea have increased. More frightening, the breathing difficulty began due to the spinal cord disease. I wake up and can't breathe. This stage was predicted long ago. I am confined to my bed more and more.
My doctor began the paperwork to get me Home Health, where someone comes in each day to help. We have known this was coming and I am ready.
Yet I am still a surviva-soarer.
Through the years I have often seen Aiden in my dreams. Recently I vividly dreamed Aiden was reaching
out his hand for me to take. Behind him were Patches and Sierra, our horses also gone. In the dream though, I couldn't reach his hand and was so sad, but he told me, "It isn't time yet. You still have more to do, my love. You can do it."
Then the dream ended.
I still have more to do before I grab hold of that hand.
And...I am still surviva-soaring.
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