The Bed...

As my career as a Theatre Scene Designer began winding down I was working for a small theatre.  We were doing a play which had a domineering mother.

Since the play had a scene where a full size bed was needed, Emily, the Artistic Director and I went to a local thrift shop.

"Adelaide, I like this one!"

"I don't know, Emily.  It doesn't appear to be sturdy enough for what we need it for."

"Well I think it is and Matt will like it."

[Why is it people want to drag you along with them for your expert advice and then not listen to it?]🙄

Matt was the Executive Director and we in the back could clearly see Emily had a thing for him.  This really has no bearing on the story aside from the fact the actors in the play always felt the bed was getting used for more than just being a prop and just may have contributed to the hilarious disaster I am about to share with you.

First, the big huge grand finale scene at the end of Act I involves the couple in the play who are madly in love with each other.  The man's very meddlesome mother though, had other views about his love interest.  He also forgot about giving his mother a key to his apartment. 

So Mom just KNOWS that "woman" has lured her son to bed.  Sneaks into the bedroom at a climatic moment and proceeds to faint, falling right smack onto the bed in-between our couple as Act I ends.

At least this is how it was supposed to go.

When Grace fainted and fell onto the bed between Ethan and Anna, the what Adelaide had tried to tell Emily could happen...happened.  

The bed collapsed.

Oh DID it collapse!🤣 

The problem was the foot end of the bed remained intact up high while the head end sunk to the depths, putting these three into a very helpless position of escaping.  Not only that, but they became stuck in the sheets too.

Yet worse than anything, they were drowning in uncontrollable hysterical laughter as we ALL were...well, uh...aside from Emily and Matt that is, who were NOT laughing.  Trust me, we did not care.😂

By now the audience was drowning in laughter too.

The only thing we could do was dim the lights as the Stage Crew tried to push bed and actors carefully to the wings.

But you see, this did not work well.

When they pushed the bed a bit it broke apart.  I mean pieces were littering the stage with kindling wood from one end of the stage to the other!  I daresay the contagious hysterical laughter pouring forth from our three bouncing actors kind of helped escalate the situation...more.

Normally the curtains would have been drawn but the bed was downstage at the front so drawing the curtains could not help.

So...this is the grand moment when Matt and Emily rushed out onstage to assist the crew by gathering up the scattered pieces of kindling behind the hysterically laughing actors, crew, Stage Manager, Director of the play, including a certain little Scene Designer in the wings.

When Ethan could finally stand up backstage he had something VERY enlightening to share.

"Uh Matt, didn't you say someone had stolen your wallet the other day?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Well look what WE found when the bed collapsed!"

Then our dear beloved Grace, who had a wicked sense of humour anyway, seized this huge Grand Moment with tremendous aplomb and...held...up...a...bra.

Now THIS was not just ANY bra you see.  No, no, 

NO!😳  THIS very hot pink with black lace bra clearly belonged to a lady who was VERY well endowed.  As Emily was the only female standing there who was THAT WELL ENDOWED...who also had always (up to this point at least😂), thoroughly...and I mean THOROUGHLY...enjoyed drawing attention TO and FLAUNTING her endowment, we ALL turned her 

way.🤔

"Uh...Emily...AHEM.  I believe THIS must belong to YOU then," said a hysterical Grace.🤣

Ohhh my, those two were screwed now!  I mean REALLY screwed.

For you see the Director of the play just happened to be Matt's soon-to-be-after-this-night-EX-WIFE.😱

Only by now though, Diane...WAS NOT LAUGHING.😂

Soon after this night, Emily-with-her-bra and her endowment too, suddenly moved on, thus necessitating the need for a new Artistic Director, while Matt had to get new digs in town.  Not only that but a brand new job too...uh...at...McDonald's because our Theatre Board was not at all pleased with all the hilarious jokes the town was making about its' busy little Theatre, so they immediately appointed Matt's former wife as the proud brand new Executive Director of our Theatre!😃🎭

Diane even kept a tiny piece of The Bed as a memento enshrined in glass on her desk.   

As a reminder you see, of what became the happiest, BEST outcome of her life!😃

There's just NO business like Show Business!😂🎭