The Self-esteem Project...

Back in 1990's I was asked to take part in a very unique project to help others.  

Serena, a psychologist, had known about me for years due to the media coverage about my art and The Ride with Patches, my horse.  She had also been hearing about how inspiring I was too.

Serena was acquainted with my orthopaedic surgeon and one day called him to see if he would tell me about this self esteem project she wanted to conduct.

So I get a call from my orthopaedic surgeon.🙂

"Adelaide, a psychologist I know wanted me to see if you could take part in some kind of self esteem doll making project for women with self esteem issues, and no, not because YOU need help in this area but because she strongly feels your presence will benefit these women in ways she can't."

"A doll?!!  What kind of a doll?"🤔

"I don't know.  But knowing you and knowing how you and your friend have been successfully speaking at the Women's Prison I think you would have a huge impact.  Her name is Serena and she can explain it all to you.  By the way, I think you would be a very cute little doll."🤣

So I spoke to Serena.  She felt since I attained all I did and was doing in MY body I could have an impact on the women struggling with self esteem who were insecure and unhappy because they focused on perceived things wrong with their bodies which inhibited them.  Some seriously.

The doll.  Over three days we all, Serena and I too, would be making life-size three dimensional dolls of ourselves taken from our exact measurements...head to toe.

"Uh, and then what?"🤔

"Focus on reshifting the negative self image these ladies have of themselves into positive ones.  And to help them begin to learn to accept and embrace their bodies."

Serena received a small grant to do this project.  She had to spend a large amount of the grant for the supplies and refreshments needed yet was trying to still give me a stipend for my time.  Since I happened to be free the weekend this would be I waived the stipend.  Like how many opportunities does one ever get to make a life-size doll of themselves anyway?🤣

Nine ladies in addition to Serena and I were there.  As we began to introduce ourselves all the ladies blurted out, "YOU'RE THE PATCHES LADY!"  They all had followed our story during The Ride saga and knew me as everyone did by my horse Patches' name because no one could remember my name.  I was touched.😃  

Then each of them shared their stories and reasons for being there.  One lady was struggling to overcome being bulimic; two others were overweight; one had a problem with aging; another had a problem with being too short but just simply meeting me already had a positive effect she said; one had a liver transplant a few years earlier but was struggling with how the anti-rejection drugs changed her appearance; another was struggling with how the chemo treatments she was getting had made her look; and one was just very insecure and had never felt good about herself.😪

The time came for us all to begin making a doll of ourselves.  We were asked to choose partners and immediately they all asked to be mine.  So we worked out a way for me to be a partner with each lady through the three days of the project.  

First we had to measure each other from head to toe.  Then as one lay on sheets of newsprint paper another drew their outline to make a pattern to be pinned on muslin and cut out.  By the end of our first day arms, legs, torsos, heads, hands, and feet were strewn everywhere.

The next day the sewing by hand process began by bringing all the body parts together to be filled with stuffing to make our dolls three dimensional.  As we sewed there was some very serious talk as Serena 

and I spent time individually with each lady.  They each were especially keen to know how I got to be where I was/am in accepting myself even with the constant mean ridicule I live with each day.  

I shared how my mentor friend Joseph had me make a "Dwarf Card," and the huge effect it had upon my young life.  Then striving to focus upon the positives and not the negatives by having a gratitude attitude.  

One of my many sayings they each very touchingly scrolled onto their dolls was, "We cannot get anywhere by remaining where we are.  That we have to WANT to ignite our inner spark into flames and KEEP it burning bright by not giving others or the negative part of our inner self the power to extinguish our spark."

I also gave them a list of the books which had also made a huge difference in my young life.  They all, including Serena wrote down everything I shared.  Because Serena was privately counseling the ladies I had given them ways they could begin attaining self acceptance by working together with her. 

The third day we had fully completed our dolls and dressed them with clothes we brought then placed them in chairs across from each of us.  There was a long silence.  Serena asked me first about the thoughts I had.

My very glorious inspiring first thought to share with them upon seeing my exact 3-D replica was this:

"Ohhh SHIT, Adelaide!  You really ARE a DWARF!"😂  

Yet I suddenly realized just how MUCH self acceptance I had been blessed to attain with my journey and SO grateful I could, because there had been a time in my young life when seeing my exact image in 3-D form across from me would have been horribly difficult.😖  Oh my, how God had helped me embrace from deep within my soul, that HE created me this way for a special reason!

Every lady was forced to see themselves in a whole new way.  Yet in a way which began a brand new journey of self acceptance and self esteem for each one of them.  Their lives were forever changed.💥

So what happened to my life-sized doll replica?  

Well after a few years she began terribly "aging" by graying and losing much of her "innards" as I did too with additional surgery for cancer, then followed by two emergency abdominal surgeries needed to keep me alive longer.  

Then when a theatre really needed my talents I moved and the poor doll got stuffed into my car trunk yet she kept scaring the hell out of people whenever I opened 

it you see.  People kept assuming the doll was a REAL human.😱

Finally, the time had come to bid my dear rapidly deteriorating doll replica goodbye before I got arrested for having a body in my trunk.  Though I had to send her remains off in these nice dignified black trash bags, she would always hold a very special place within my galloping journey.🤣💫

This is a photo taken of me for a art magazine piece about my life and art about the same period the Doll Project took place.