If Only...

We all have them...the what I call, "the if only's."  "If only's," are wrapped up with sadness, regret, fear, and a kind of envy.  "If only I hadn't said..."  "If only I had done..."  "If only I was smarter..."  "If only I were more bold..."  "If only I had a different nose, butt, body, boobs, was taller, shorter, skinnier, handsome, pretty."

When I was still doing speaking engagements everywhere, people would come up to me afterwards expressing how much better their lives would be "if only" they could be more, and I'm not kidding, like...ME, then they would be happier.  Obviously not the Little Person part but my inner strength, attitude, boldness, aplomb traits they so admired.  

What I reminded them of though, is my lifetime of severe challenges carved me into the person before them.  How through my journey I was determined to plunge forth by learning from my experiences and not be defeated by them, just as they also had the same determination within.  All they had to do was ignite it, fan the flames, and refocus those "if only's."  And sometimes they may plunge backwards but they had to be determined to keep going no matter what. 

You see the problem with losing ourselves in the "if only's" is we spin our wheels and don't get anywhere.  We spend so much time focused on what is behind us we are mired down in the feelings the "if only's" instill within our present, like fear, insecurity, regret, etc.  

The only way we can plunge forth out of the muck is by embracing possibility...even daring to believe we can and will rise above the muck.  By learning from our if only's we can see what we need to change; to WANT 

to refocus on.  Tennyson said, "To strive, to seek, and not to yield."  To go forth and conquer.

So, how do we change our "if only's?"  By using two other words..."even though."  The "even though" words are similar to but different with the same kind of impact as my powerful two little words, "and yet," I wrote about recently.

You see, what these words of mine I am sharing with you do is shift the negative into a positive one with hope.  For instance, "If only I had self esteem," changes to, "Even though I feel I lack self esteem now I will keep believing in myself, loving myself, acknowledging I have what it takes within to rise above insecurity, because I do."  

Or, "If only I had taken that promotion," changes to, "Even though I feel like I failed by not taking that promotion, the next time I will and succeed."  See the shift in changing "if only" into a positive one of hope?  And the more we do this, the more it changes us from within.

One year I had speaking engagements for several women's groups at different locations.  I began noticing no matter which group I spoke was a lady who kept coming wherever I was speaking.  Afterwards each time a bunch of women would always come up to me to comment or ask questions.  When this happened the lady would hover nearby listening.  Though I tried to include her, she preferred to hover.  Then I didn't see her again.

That is until nearly a year had passed.  Once again there she was at a place where I was speaking.  Only this time she was determined to speak to me.  I noticed her demeanor had somehow changed.  She told me how my "and yets," "if only's," and "even though's," had completely changed her.  The lady literally embraced her "if only's" and was living a life paralyzed by them.  Slowly the shift in refocusing she heard me say began happening from within, to the point she became a happier, different person living a far more full life.

Arise, go forth, and conquer, my dear ones.