Many people outside of life in Theatre, aside from being a dear audience member now and then, have very little awareness for those backstage who devote their lives relentlessly working very hard to make Theatre Magic actually happen. And happen without anything ever going wrong on Opening Night. Or on any other night.
We hope...😂🎭
Throughout North America during the summer months many Theatres and Shakespeare organizations do three or more plays by Shakespeare in outdoor parks each year. This is a way to introduce Theatre to many who may not get to have a Theatre experience otherwise.
One summer a small Theatre I designed for scheduled three Shakespeare plays in a lovely park. However due to a construction job the third and last play, "Romeo And Juliet" had to be changed to another park. A park just a bit LESS lovely than the first...for the area we had to construct a set upon was surrounded very closely by a field with cows and another with horses. We were wondering if this actually WAS a real park.
Not long after I met Aiden's parents who adored me as much as I did them, they were quite keen on not only getting to see a professional production of "Romeo And Juliet," but to see the work their potental future daughter in-law did. They were even proudly bragging about me to all their friends...inviting them all to come see this performance too.
Aiden and I did our utmost to try to dissuade them from choosing THAT particular production but they wouldn't hear of it! They had their hearts set on seeing the one Shakespearian play they knew. And to bring all their friends too, so we had to hope for the best.
Yet as you may have gathered by now in reading these entertaining Theatre Hilarity blogs of mine here, often events unfold in very unexpected ways far beyond our control.
Like on this particular evening we could see wind was becoming a concern. Not good, not good.
For these outdoor productions my sets were built either on grass or a patch of dirt. EXPOSED you might say. So my intern and I constructed a sturdier set than usual which actually turned out to be a very good thing. Now remember those winds.
Please also keep in mind we did not have stage left or
stage right wings in the traditional sense because
we were outdoors in the middle of nowhere you see.
Laura, our Costumer of course was there as was our Lighting Designer, James, and myself.
During Act I Laura's job was to assist "Juliet" in a quick dress change.
Only it became The Ripping event heard around the world.😱 Followed by a very loud expletive (which was NOT by the way, Adelaide who said it!😂).
For as our dear Laura began helping "Juliet" with her dress change, RRRRR-IPPPPPPE. All of us "backstage" froze with horror as our eyes fell upon poor Laura and "Juliet."
So too were the eyes of The Audience, including Aiden, his parents, and everyone they ever knew who came with them.😳
You see it was Laura who delivered that loud word! And it wasn't "Juliet's" dress coming off that failed. Oh no, not that at all. For after the loud expletive Laura cried out, "My pants split!"😱
And she had very good reason to be horrified, for on
all days for the Costume Designer to have her pants split as wide as the Amazon River out in the middle of nowhere, she happened to be wearing underpants with large bright red lettering on the rear which said, "I'M NAUGHTY," which could very clearly be seen like a
bright neon light.
Ohhh, this was not a good day for our dear Laura to have chosen THOSE very underpants to wear.😂
Being the loyal staff members they tried very hard to be at that moment, the male staff members totally lost it.
They were rolling in the grass laughing in hysterics.
At this point the audience began laughing out of
control too, but really had no clue other than The
Huge RRRRR-IPPPPPPE heard around the world as
to exactly what they were laughing about.🙃
Now remember we were out in the middle of nowhere here with very little means at our disposal to repair pants split wide open revealing the words, "I'm Naughty." However, I just happened to bring along an item in case the stage needed a temporary fix. Never ever underestimate the miracle this item is capable of for it literally saved Laura's butt. You will be absolutely amazed by what Duct Tape can fix...😂👍
Following the RRRRR-IPPPPPPE heard around the
world and our dear Laura's Naughtiness, we naively assumed there couldn't possibly be any more excitement for one night, but alas, this was not to be.
For one of the mares in the horse pasture decided to pee near the fence. Now I have seen horses pee and shit a thousand times. Aside from those moments I would suddenly find myself accidentally being the one getting peed or shit upon by one of my horses because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, a horse peeing is really a non-event to me. So I especially was not prepared for this event taking away the attention of the audience or our staff from Shakespeare that it did.
But it did, you see.
Because when horses pee they can REALLY PEE! We are talking Niagara Falls here folks! I'm not kidding!😂
And for the hoomans quite transfixed by watching this event, not even Shakespeare himself coming back to life could have held their attention like the horse peeing did!🤣
Remember the cows? During late spring into summer
a farmer keeps his prize bull with the cows for the sake of making calves. Well apparently no one happened to mention this very important fact to our Artistic Director when he was shown the park where we would be staging Romeo And Juliet.
Unfortunately the bull did not give us the consideration of holding off his love making until AFTER the play or at least confining his activities during Intermission. Oh no, not THIS bull!😱
For you see just after Act II began when things are SUPPOSED to be getting really serious in "Romeo And Juliet," RIGHT BY THE FENCE CLOSEST TO THE AUDIENCE the bull mounted his love interest!🤣
Then the friggin bull began MOOING. LOUDLY MOOOOOING! EVERYONE including the actors were now focusing their attention on the BOVINE romance scene happening before them!💥
BOVINE BONKING had totally derailed our Shakespeare production!🤣
For you see, most of the audience and our staff were not used to seeing these kinds of things unless you're Adelaide of course.😂
After the bonking the bull and his love interest for the moment, finally ambled off together.
We thought surely nothing else could happen.
But it did.
And then...AND THEN...right at the climatic moment near the end of "Romeo And Juliet," the winds REALLY began picking up. A chauffeur of an elderly couple he worked for waiting in the car suddenly came running over. Said the weather forecaster indicated a funnel cloud had been sighted nearby and we should take cover!😱
However this situation was having no effect on the
bull I must say, as he was now bonking another cow. I had never realized their "recovery" turnaround time
in-between bonking was THAT fast.😂
Anyway we got the audience members and ourselves under the only place we could take cover under in the middle of nowhere which happened to be the stage set. Thankfully the set I designed included a stage about 4' above the ground so we all crammed beneath it for an eternity. Aiden's parents for some reason thought this was an ideal time to introduce me to all their friends.
Luckily nothing but high winds happened and the set my intern and I constructed held up quite well. Aiden's parents and their friends were very pleased. But they were all a bit confused though as to just how the bonking bull became included in OUR version of "Romeo And Juliet."🙄
Aiden explained it was because OUR version was a modern one they were VERY privileged to get to see first...😂
We decided to leave it at that.👏🎭😂🤣😂🎭👏
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