The Fog...

At the same large theatre I described what happened during the musical version of "Gone With The Wind," there was another hilarious event at the same theatre proving lightning can strike twice or three times or even...🎭

The following season we staged a very large scale production of "The Phantom," (not to be confused with 

a small production of the same I had designed for where we happened to have a very serious hilarious costume/candelabra malfunction😂🎭).

For THIS version of "The Phantom" a HUGE brand spanking new theatrical Fog Making Machine had been purchased to add finesse to the production. 

Oh it really added some version of finesse all right, however I am getting ahead of myself.

Joseph, in charge of the Special Effects had to visit the Fog Making Machine company where he was given extensive instructions in how to make the Fog Making Machine successfully work.  Which is exactly what Joseph managed to pull off with amazing finesse.  That is this finesse occurred all during rehearsals and Dress Rehearsal at least.😂

Did I mention yet Joseph and his wife were expecting their first child at ANY moment?

And that our contingency plan for this event to occur during our Phantom run was Joseph would have given Thomas the same excellent instructions he received?  No doubt this gave us all a sense of assurance The Fog Making Machine could have just as much success even with the baby coming.

So along comes Opening Night where if anything can go wrong in theatre it does on Opening Night.  This has been a proven fact all down through the many centuries of theatre and my career.

Three hours before the performance where everything backstage is crazy enough already, Joseph gets...THE CALL.  The one telling him, "IT'S TIME!"  So in a rush Joseph tore out of the theatre.  And in a rush Thomas prepared to run the Fog Making Machine.  Again, the rest of us took great comfort in the knowledge Joseph had taught Thomas with the same excellence in running the machine as he had been given. 

The time arrived for the-let-there-be-fog moment 

to happen.  

And oh how it happened. 

For you see there was just supposed to be enough fog to cover the stage AT THE FEET OF THE CAST for the atmospheric effect.  Well this atmospheric event did not get to happen because Thomas suddenly realized at this very critical moment Joseph somehow overlooked showing him the two part step of HOW TO SHUT THE DAMN FOG MACHINE OFF!

Should my dear readers not be aware of the fact I am about to share with you, I can attest with good authority fog machines, especially brand spanking new ones are quite capable of very rapidly covering a whole stage with fog.

If for any reason the Fog Making Machine cannot be turned off it may then FILL the stage all the way up to the Proscenium Arch with such massive amounts of fog the actors could be having an orgy and neither the audience nor theatre staff in the wings would ever know this was happening.🤪

The Fog Making Machine very soon showed us what more it was capable of doing by then filling up House Left, House Right, Center House, under the Balcony, then over the entire Balcony.  Soon all of Opening Night was shrouded in thick heavy fog that kept pouring out!

From the direction of where the Fog Making Machine was located as I stood in the wings I could hear the freaking out voices of our Executive Director, Artistic Director, and Stage Manager freaking out poor Thomas even more than they were.

"Now Thomas, THINK!  Surely Joseph told you what to do and you forgot!"

"Can't someone go drag Joseph away from what he's doing?!!  This should after all take precedence over a birth!"

"Do you realize what you're saying?!!"

"Does anyone know if the Critics are here?"

"We can't even see ourselves and you're asking if WE'VE SEEN THE CRITICS?!!"

By this time I not only thought our executives voices were loud enough to "reach the rafters," but something suddenly came to me.

All I needed to do was follow the sound of the rising voices of our illustrious staff.

"Who's that?!!"

"Adelaide."

"It must be Adelaide because the sound of her voice is coming from the floor."

"Thomas?"

"Yes Adelaide?"

"Have you tried unplugging the machine?"

"Uh no."

"Okay, do it."

As I expected the Fog Making Machine finally was stopped.🙄

The Executive Director started to ream Thomas out for not thinking of this when I reminded the Director he hadn't thought of it either.  Silence.

Audience members were asked to remain in their seats while all massive backstage doors were opened, all industrial size fans turned on, and all exit doors opened.  Soon the theatre was cleared of fog.

Dimitri, who had the Phantom role had a few words with the Orchestra.  Then took center stage.

This is when he began singing what is our beloved Theatre Anthem, "There's No Business Like Show Business."

And there were not any dry eyes in that theatre.

Even as I write these words my heart swells with the love for what had been my profession as a Theatre Scene Designer for many years as tears pour down my cheeks.  But these tears my dear ones, are very happy ones from my heart.

Because there IS no business like show business.🎭