Sometimes Expectations May Smother The Beauty...

I do my thing

And you do your thing.

I am not in this world 

To live up to your expectations 

And you are not in this world 

To live up to mine. 

I am I,

And you are you,

And if by chance we find each other, 

It's BEAUTIFUL. 

               ~Fritz Perls 

Even Soaring Above A Flock Of Birds...

WHOO HOO HOOOOOOOO," all twelve of us yelled after cramming ourselves together onto a large slick section of vinyl flooring we borrowed from the Scene Design Shop to plunge down the Mt. Everest of hills with perfect packed down snow.

Only there was a slight problem though.  Near the bottom one had to be very careful (assuming one had any control of what one was riding on) to aim going stage left because you see if one went stage right one would plow into a creek.  Plunging into a creek during winter is something most of us try very hard to avoid if possible. 

The other friends I was plunging down this huge Mt. Everest hill with were the ones I wrote about in my blog describing Dr. Sonderling's last ever elite Scene Painting class we had the honor of having been chosen for.

Since we had to spend so much of our time together painting assignments on MASSIVE canvas flats we nine young men and two young ladies became very close. Actually Dr. Sonderling was profoundly touched by just how supportive and close a group we were.  

The last day of his last class Dr. Sonderling said to us as he kept choking back tears, "All of you have formed 

a very touching deep bond always looking out for each other, helping each other, having fun, laughing and hugging.  A camaraderie I have not seen like this ever before.  The eleven of you have become very special to me.  I could not have asked to end my teaching career with a finer group.  And all talented as hell too.  I feel so proud and privileged to know you.  Please keep in touch with me!  By the way, what in the world are you going to do with the vinyl you asked to borrow?  I'm curious."

Sooo, this is how seventy-two year old Dr. Sonderling wound up on this large piece of slick vinyl flooring with his eleven students careening down Mt. Everest at high speed.  From the top of this hill none of us could see how at stage left where we HAD to go if we wanted to avoid plowing into the creek, a very unexpected rise had been built in the snow for the purpose of becoming very airborne. 

Now I have a feeling my dear readers are wondering what happened, are you not?  I daresay you would really like to know how our flight landed.  So please hold on tight and keep reading to the end...the...very...end.😃 

All of my other ten friends in dear Dr. Sonderling's final 

Scene Painting class and I kept in touch with each other through the years (well now you at least know WE survived Mt. Everest anyway...sort of...😂).  And we all kept our promise to keep in touch with Dr. Sonderling the remainder of his life too (yes, he too survived Mt. Everest...kind of🙃).

Although my other ten friends and I kept in touch the last time we all were ever together was that plunge we made down Mt. Everest.  For as life often does when one's heart is in theatre, the roads we travel and places theatre takes us are many.  Two of my friends landed Scene Design positions at prestigious theatres in New York and Seattle.  Another in LA.  One continued his Scene Design studies all the way to Oxford in England.  Loved England so much he remained there many years (and where have those years gone so fast?).

Two of my other friends found living in many different places not what they really wanted yet to remain in theatre landed Scene Design jobs at a university because they married each other.  Another friend of 

the ten began teaching Theatre Scene Design at a performing arts high school.

One of our ten died in a theatre shop accident.  And one we have no idea what happened to or where he is.

And finally the last you have been following her journey here.

Our dear Dr. Sonderling lived to the young age of 

ninety-one.  I was able to see him one final time when he was eighty-six.  He was thrilled to see me and though he was having trouble remembering people he had no problem with knowing who I was.  

"Adelaide!  My amazing little Scene Painter who draws and paints from dark to light instead of light to dark!  And who dances with horses!"  

So assuming you have made it this far without giving 

up to see how Mt. Everest ended I will not keep you in suspense any longer.

I left you hanging as we were careening down Mt. Everest at high speed unaware a snow rise was built at stage left, the only way for us to go without flying into the creek at stage right.  And we had a seventy-two year old Dr. Sonderling who had been keen to join us but by now was probably wishing he hadn't. 

In very quick succession we suddenly saw the friggin rise built in the snow, then we reached heights no one else riding on a piece of floor vinyl with twelve people have surely ever attained before in all the history of hoomans. 

The guys thought we had to hit that rise doing 40mph but it had to be at least 90mph.  We hit that sucker and we went flying waaay high.

How high?  

Well Dr. Sonderling swore he saw a flock of birds flying below us, however I cannot attest to that.  I know we 

did pass through some clouds though.

Somehow after we returned to earth again we landed and for a brief moment it appeared our destiny was to take a plunge in the icy creek.  Though we never told Dr. Sonderling this fact we think his weight on the stage left portion of the vinyl miraculously shifted us away from those icy waters, and most of all, sparing him from that fate because we cared so much about him.

We still kept speeding down the rest of Mt. Everest 

until we at last hit a series of snowdrifts before finally coming to a stop.

All twelve of us cheered, jumped up and down and hugged each other.  Dr. Sonderling said this was the most fun he had in years!  It was indeed a thrill for us all.  The serendipitous spur of the moment events in our lives always are.  That's why we all need them.

During my visit with Dr. Sonderling when he was eighty-six, there was something else he remembered because it was one of the best moments of his life.

Dr. Sonderling asked, "Adelaide, do you remember that moment when we hit the snow rise and we became airborne so high I saw a flock of birds flying below us?"

"Oh yes, Dr. Sonderling.  If I remember correctly I believe you saw those right after we passed through all those clouds in the sky."😂💫🎭

 

I Have Been A Rover...

THIS...has been one of MY life defining songs for decades because I was born with the spirit to wander.  And horses and theatre set me free to wander, free to hope, free to soar, free to love and be loved.

I have been a rover,

I have walked alone,

Gone a hundred highways,

Never found a home,

Still and all I'm happy,

The reason is you see,

[Many] times along the way

Love's [been and is] good to me.

                     Rod McKuen

Galloping In New York City...

When I was still very young, daring, and crazy, beginning to forge my way ahead as a theatre set designer with promise, a grand opportunity presented itself for me to take part in a prestigious set design summer workshop in The Big Apple.🍎  So I applied for and was awarded a small grant to get to do this, which was a huge honor.

First, I am about to share with you a proven fact:  those who have the horse passion and/or those who work in theatre always, and I mean ALWAYS are drawn to one another even if there are a thousand other people around.  

So I was in the crowded waiting room to see my doctor one day a few months before going to NYC happened, having brought a book on theatre history with me.  Soon after I climbed into my book, a lady rushed over and sat down next to me.

"I knew it!  Before I saw your book I just knew you were connected to theatre!  My name is Annie, and I'm from New York starring in the play at Actors here!"

"Wow!  I'm Adelaide!  So nice to meet you!  I'm a set designer for the much smaller other theatre here and I love it!  How do you like it here?"

"Oh it's wonderful and people are really nice.  But I miss my friends, and especially my horse.  Will I ever be glad to get back to New York and see him.  I miss the city itself too."

"Uh Annie, you're SO not going to believe this, but I have a horse too!"

"You're kidding?!!  This is amazing!"

We exchanged phone numbers.  Then I invited Annie 

to go riding with me using my friend's horse Rory.  She jumped at the chance.  Said she hadn't been able to get out much.  So one day I took her to The Kentucky Horse Park which was new and then we even paid a visit to Claiborne Farm to see Secretariat too.  

Of course I was keen to know where in NYC one not only kept horses, but where one rode.  In the early 1980's there were still a few stables remaining in the city where one could board a horse located not far from Central Park, with bridle paths just for horseback riding.

Annie asked if I considered taking Selah with me.  At this point taking Selah with me hadn't even entered my mind, because you see only a crazy person would even THINK of taking their beloved horse to NEW YORK CITY too, right?!!

Right.  I wasn't THAT crazy.😂

Besides, board in NYC would be quadruple of what I was used to paying.  Yet more than anything, I had to put Selah first.  After all, I would only be away four months for one thing.  However, Selah had never been anywhere before to experience the massive amount of traffic and noise of the city.  She would be absolutely terrified.  Also she was used to being out in the wide open spaces of the farm I had her at.  In NYC she would be stuck in a dark stall for hours each day.  No way would I put her through any of this.

This didn't deter Annie and her best friend Heather, who also acted and had a horse at the same place Annie did.  A fellow boarder of theirs was to be abroad that summer and he was delighted to have me "adopt" Mugwamp (yep, that's what his name was!) the months I would be there.  So I had a horse to ride in NYC!

And friends.  Annie shared an apartment with two dear and funny as could be guys, and they all insisted there was room for me.  So I had a place to stay too!

Broadway during the eighties was exploding with the Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals, then there was the hit about Little Orphan Annie, and Chorus Line.  In addition, Joseph Papp, who revolutionized theatre, was doing extraordinary things.  It was a very exciting time to be in NYC working in theatre.

After I arrived one of the first things we did was go to the stables so I could meet Mugwamp.  Then Annie, Heather, and I went to Central Park for our first ride.

We had to go a few blocks in the midst of all the traffic, and waiting our turns at the lights.  It was astounding.

The amazement of being in NYC with the gift of having a horse to care for and ride never lost its wonder.  And I was only asked a thousand times, "How DO you get ON your horse?"😂

Mugwamp and I quickly became close.  Soon he would nicker when he saw me coming.  How fun it was to be connected to a horse in one of the most unlikely places in the world!  

The four months flew by.  I absolutely love The Big Apple🍎.  It has indeed been for me an incredible place to visit and work in through the years, but not to live.  For I too, need my open space.  Even so, I miss the camaraderie of all who make the performing and visual arts happen there as NYC is definitely at the very heart of these.

Now that I am living with such rapidly deteriorating health challenges, my chapters in NYC and even galloping on a horse in Central Park, are yet more chapters of my life I am grateful to hold in my grasp because theatre and horse people always, and I mean ALWAYS, find each other.🐎😃🐎💫

Remember There Is Not Enough Darkness...

"There is not enough darkness in all the world that can put out the light of even one small candle."

In my beloved writer Arthur Gordon's book, "A Touch Of Wonder," is the quote above.  He went on to say, the quote was found on a small gravestone after one of the many bombing raids on Britain during early WWII.  Some thought the quote was surely written by someone famous.  But it wasn't.  For it was written by a very sad, lonely elderly woman whose cherished cat, which was all she had, was killed by a Nazi bomb.

I have always been a star gazer.  One thing I noticed is how the darker the sky, the brighter the stars shine.  You see, though darkness is not the source 

of the light energy, darkness is what empowers the light to shine stronger and far brighter than the light would without it.

The ones who have inspired me the most on my challenging journey are those who faced their challenges with such profound courage their lives radiated light shining their inspiration forth.

Many years ago I read the incredibly touching book by Paula D'Arcy, entitled, "Song For Sarah." She and her husband were expecting their second child.  Their first was Sarah, a toddler.  One Sunday in 1975 when they were traveling home after a visit with family, a drunk driver plowed into their car head-on seriously injuring Ms. D'Arcy, and killing both Mr. D'Arcy and Sarah.

In one brief shattering moment everything Ms. D'Arcy held dear was gone, except for the child she still carried.  At the time Ms. D'Arcy was keeping a journal and somehow she continued, pouring out her anguish, which eventually became her very inspiring "Song For Sarah."  She inspired out of the darkest, most shattering losses of her life.

Ms. D'Arcy's courageous experience has inspired millions around the world.  She helped me.  First, during the daunting challenges following each of my first two spine surgeries from which I had to learn how to walk again twice.  She especially helped me again years later when Aiden died.  Here was someone who knew the darkness of terrible, gut wrenching tragedy, whose journey through her sorrow was the very reason she shined so brightly, becoming such a profound gift for others.  These are the kinds of people who are my inspiration.

Many say my journey does the same for them.  I always hope so.  There is a reason why all my challenges have been so dark on my journey I will understand another time, another place.  For now, the darkness my indomitable spirit keeps shining out from is my candle burning bright while I yet breathe.

When life is tough, remember my dear ones, all the darkness of heartbreaking challenges cannot put out the light of even one candle.  Keep your candle burning bright with hope and courage.

The Precise Magical Moment...

We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed.  

As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over...so in a series of kindnesses, there is at last a drop which makes the heart run over.

                                ~James Boswell

When You Have Had Enough, Hold On Harder...

When the day is long and the night is yours alone,  

When you've had enough, hang on.
Everybody cries and everybody hurts.
Sometimes everything is wrong.
If you feel like letting go, hold on, hold on.
Take comfort in your friends.
Hold on, hold on.
           ~From the REM song "Everybody Hurts" 

 

All of us at times, especially these days, have those places in our journeys where we feel deeply the tragedy of life.  Those moments when we can feel utterly overwhelmed by it.🥺

Several years ago, due to some issues I was having, a biopsy was done.  As soon as my doctor received the results, he called me.  

"Adelaide, I'm terribly sorry to have to tell you this...you have advanced uterine cancer and we must perform an emergency hysterectomy."  

"How soon?" I asked.

"Tomorrow morning."😱  

After surgery, my oncologist wanted me to have radiation.  Only much to his horror and frustration he discovered it would be impossible for me.  Due to the severe curvature of my spine pushing my bladder in a higher position than normal, it was right in the "line of fire."  After consulting with other oncologists it was decided the radiation would cause such severe destruction, it had to be ruled out.  

Nor could chemo be done either, due to my severe anemia and hemophilia problems and previous bone marrow treatments.  In other words, we could not do ANYTHING.  

"So we're screwed?"

"Not if I can help it.  I want to make some phone calls first."  

My dear oncologist called everywhere without success, trying so hard to find SOME way to blast any potentially remaining cancer cells into oblivion.  He was NOT happy.  I was coming to the realization my only option would be to literally throw everything into believing we somehow got all the cancer cells out.  To embrace this belief. 

After all, this is the person who willed her toes, feet, legs into walking again, twice, was still living an amazing life, and flying without wings on her horse.  

Yet this still wasn't quite like walking again.  For one thing, I was a whole lot older, had endured many more debilitating surgeries and five more spine surgeries too, since learning to walk again both times.  Besides, seeing my legs was one thing.  Cells cannot be seen.  For the first time since my horrendous childhood, I suddenly felt very weary and overwhelmed.🥺  

By then, the severe spinal cord inflammation disease was taking its toll, terribly affecting both my bladder and colon/digestive tract function.  I had already begun having the awful bouts of nausea with it.  Besides being extremely painful too.  And as I have touched on not a thing can be done about this.  It can and is only worsening.  As if that wasn't enough, we were still fighting the blood condition I have.  

Hemingway said, "The world breaks everyone, only some become strong at the broken places."  

And that which doesn't break us, makes us stronger.  

As you may have gathered by now, I have never been one to be broken though.🙂  

We never know how strong we are until we recognize  and embrace our inner divine strength, because it is there however we believe.  Sometimes it takes an inner spark of courage to ignite it to surmount tough, daunting circumstances, but it is there.  I always refer to this as my indomitable spirit.🐎💖🐎

Do you know what else is there?  Friends.  

For you see, I was in a new city where I was working at a small theatre.  And yes, Patches was with me too.  I had already made new friends, as I always do.  At such a time though, I was missing my three dear mentor friends I had known for decades, Nora, Ella, and Joseph.  The three were much older than me and each taught me so much about life.  And taught me what love was.  Through me, they had also become close friends with each other too.

While my dear oncologist was searching what he could do to help me, I had to remain in the hospital.

One afternoon, as I was staring out the window, I thought I was losing it, because it sounded like Nora, Ella, and Joseph were in the hallway.  Suddenly, at that very moment in walked Nora, Ella, and Joseph!  I was never so surprised to see these friends in all our journey!  And thrilled.  They had been on the road for hours just to be there with me.  I had them stay at my apartment.

The three remained for a few days and their presence touched me deeply.  And was exactly what I needed.  Because of our long shared history, we talked and laughed a lot, reminiscing, as one can with longtime friends.  Also, they spoke with all my doctors, which helped them understand everything that could be done was being done.

Within a few years following this visit, all three passed away.  Yet they live on in my heart.  For the love we live in life remains after we have gone.

So far no cancerous cells have been found, but my oncologists remain very guarded.  They feel they need to be.  But they also very strongly praise my courage and fighting spirit.

It is said the more we love and are loved in life, the more alive in spirit we are.  And even more why we become strong at the broken places too.  Trust me, I know.🙂

Hold on, hold on, my dear ones.🐎🥰🐎