More Hilarious Theatre Moments 101...

As touched on last week, one cannot work in Theatre for decades without witnessing or being part of some hilarious situations.  The following two pieces are too brief for a blog entire, yet hopefully are enjoyed...

For a small theatre production of "The Wizard 

Of Oz," Matt, the Director who came to town specifically to do this play had an attitude.  In fact he was downright rude and pompous as hell.

Matt was also determined to squeeze a Broadway production out of a little one despite the budget.  As the Dress Rehearsal was underway Matt suddenly jumped up from his seat in the House yelling, "This just isn't working!  We just can't do Toto using a stuffed Toto toy!  I won't have it!"

Our Artistic Director Carrie tried to reason with Matt, "But Matt, tomorrow is Opening Night!  Even if we find a dog like Toto, too many things can go wrong using a live animal!  Let alone not having the time to rehearse using one!"

"I don't care!" bellowed Matt.  "We're using a real dog even if I have to go out and buy one!"

True to his word, Matt arrived late the next afternoon with Wally, The Toto.  Unfortunately though, Wally The Toto appeared a bit bloated.

I asked, "Uh Matt, have you been feeding Wally 

anything?"

"Of course I have!  Two big slices of pizza loaded with cheeses and all the works!  You should have seen that little dog wolf it all down!"

This definitely was not looking good.

The House was packed that night.

At the scene after Miss Gulch has taken Toto from Dorothy and has Toto in her basket when he then escapes, Matt's plan was to be in the wings.  Then Wally The Toto would run to him, thus exiting the stage...so said Matt.

However, as Matt waited in the wing for Wally The Toto to make his escape, Maggie the Stage Manager tried to tell Matt of a rather urgent problem she had been made aware of from the Miss Gulch, Auntie Em, Uncle Henry, and Dorothy actors.  

Matt very rudely yelled at Maggie, "Can't you see I'm busy?!!  SHUT UP!"

So the moment came for Wally The Toto to make 

his grand escape from the basket.

Oh he did all right.  But not to Matt.  Wally The Toto was running all over the set.  Then Matt being the pompous idiot he was, just totally lost it not giving a damn about rushing out on stage before a packed House to chase Wally The Toto down.

He really should have listened to Maggie though, because you see all over stage front Wally The Toto had been depositing these very stinking, very loose piles of "pizza loaded with cheeses and the works" all during Act I.

As we watched the following scene unfold before 

us from the wings we all began dying in helpless hysterics.

For Matt lost his balance when he slid into the mess at stage front.  Kept trying to get up but couldn't as things were so slippery, you see.  Matt probably did not consider how fortunate he was at this point that the role of Toto had not been written for a Great Dane.

He had to CRAWL off the stage dripping in dog shit as Wally The Toto ferociously barked at him while the audience including the critic in attendance were drowning in laughter.

Sooo for the remainder of the brief run of this play Wally The Toto was replaced with the stuffed toy Toto as before.  Then we heard Matt The Pompous who was a bit less pompous, skipped town with Wally The Toto never to be seen (or smelled) again.😂

If anything can go wrong during a play it usually 

is due to what we call a "momentary brain fart." This is when an actor suddenly cannot remember 

a line rehearsed and performed a thousand times without incident until that very brain fart happens.

However, royally missing one's cue to come on stage can also REALLY set into motion some very trying, yet hilarious situations for the cast members already on stage desperately waiting for the one who is screwing up, which by the way usually happens before a packed House.

Act III of a play involved a death scene and Jeremy was the one dying.  He came very close TO dying when Andrew failed to appear.

Imagine this:  here's Jeremy's character about to 

croak laying in a lounge chair.  For the tender final scene Andrew is supposed to help the dying Jeremy return to bed.  But for some reason there suddenly is 

no Andrew!

Jeremy:  "Ohhh, Andrew, where ARE you?  I'm dying, I mean REALLY DYING ALONE OUT HERE!  Shall I have to struggle putting myself into bed all alone too?  Andrew, how could you leave me like this?  I can barely make it to the bed!"

STILL no Andrew!  Everyone backstage was trying to find him.  

Meanwhile continuing on stage...

Jeremy:  "Ohhh, Andrew, commom, where ARE you?  You were going to sing me a song!  How can I die without you here to sing me on my way?  I don't even know the words to the music you were going to sing to me because those were YOUR lines to learn!  NOT MINE!"

All Jeremy could think of were the words to, "Take Me Home Country Roads," and began belting them out as loud as he could forgetting he was supposed to be dying!  Only "Country Roads" had NOTHING to do with the play!  Even so, Jeremy belted them out anyway!

By now the audience was drowning in laughter.  We in the wings were drowning in laughter.  Even Jeremy had totally lost it.

Then Andrew appears!

"Andrew, where the hell have you been?!!"

"Would you believe me if I told you my car broke down?"

"In the middle of this play?!!  Are you crazy?!!  No way in hell would I believe you!  By the way I'm going to die now."

Andrew REALLY got himself into some deep shit though.  And the REASON he lost all track of time?!!

It was because he was on the phone trying to teach his baby daughter how to say "Dada" before saying "Mama," so he wouldn't lose a bet he had with his wife.🙄

Miz Maddalee...

I was very blessed to share a friendship of eleven years with Miz Maddalee, who lived to the young age of 110 years.  At 100 years she was still living in her own home and mowing her yard with a push mower.  Miz Maddalee had been a school teacher for over 50 years, yet she never actually ceased teaching.

How we met is she came to hear Nora and I speak.  When she came up to meet us afterwards, we were as enchanted with her as she said she was by us.  She was no longer driving by then and missed her bus, so I drove her home.  From that point I visited her as often as I could.  

What a fascinating lady she was!  Because she was born in 1876, she had so many stories to tell.  Yet it was her inspiring wisdom that especially touched me from her many years of living and teaching.

She told me besides the learning from books, the one thing she most tried to instill in her students were the things not found in books.  Like integrity.  

Each year Miz Maddalee gave her older students what she felt was the most important thing they could have:  her "Integrity Speech."  Curious, I had her share it with me too, and now I will share it here because she gave me a copy of it...

Integrity means honor.  If you have a horse for sale, you are honest about its soundness.  You don't go selling a horse who you know has had lameness and not tell this to the person buying your horse. 

Integrity means being true to yourself, so you are true 

to others.  That you are the same person with the downtrodden as you are with the rich.

Integrity means not just having a conscience but one you listen to.  If you abide by your conscience and you strive to do what is caring and good by it, others will know this and respect you for this.

Holding onto integrity means having the courage to do what is right.  

Holding onto integrity is having a caring heart and a willingness to help.

Holding onto integrity makes you have confidence because you believe in yourself.  

Holding onto integrity gives you the determination to not give up. 

Holding onto integrity gives you a sense of purpose.

Holding onto integrity means you will always have friends, trust, admiration, and respect, because you have done your best.

Not long before Miz Maddalee passed away at the age of 110, I talked to her on the phone.  She immediately recognized my voice and was just as alert as she ever was.

She asked, "My child (everyone was 'my child' to her), do you still have the copy of my "Integrity Speech" I gave you years ago?"

"Yes, Miz Maddalee, I do."

"Good.  Would you please share it with others in the world for me someday?"

"Yes, Miz Maddalee, I will."

And so I am.

  

Adelaide's flamboyant style...

Everyone who knows me or who has known me, absolutely loves my "style."  

It's Boho, Soho, Theatrical, I Don't Give A Shit, and more.  When you are a Little Person who studied theatre, ballet, dresses like a hippie or artist, who is also known to be divinely flamboyant AND rides horses, you have a style all your own even coveted by those who are of average height.  Because it's anything goes!🤣

I wear hats.  Always have.  Always will.  They make me feel taller...look taller.  And back in the 1970's when platform shoes were the rage, with a hat AND platform shoes, my height could actually increase by a whopping FIVE inches!  I could reach water fountains, payphones, be seen over a counter!😂

My feeling has been since people are going to stare anyway, why not just sock it to them as someone flamboyantly stylish to stare at who appears she doesn't give a shit they're staring!  Like why not just be seen doing it in GRAND style?!!  

I know, I know.  This may seem crazy, yet it does help a bit to offset the constant mean invasive ridicule out there.  You see it's like I am "saying" without words to these non-humans, "Go to hell because you're not going to make ME feel less!"  

Friends have told me they think these idiots are

just jealous because they can't pull off dressing 

the way I get to do.

Surely I must be doing something right for I still keep being praised and admired by total strangers for my unique style.  When one is already packaged in uniqueness, one has to embrace a unique style.

I have always loved dance and dance wear.  I never need worry about fit, because of the wrap around leotard skirts and so forth.  Aiden so flipped out when we met because there I was riding Patches in leotards with a long wrap around leotard skirt on wearing an amazing hat!  I so intrigued Aiden he lost his heart.  And he stole my hat.😂

Anyway, I love mini-skirts for the average size female, as they always fit perfectly on me with NO HEMMING NEEDED!😂

When I know I am at my very best in whatever I wear I walk taller, feel taller, and THAT my dear friends matters, especially when one just happens to standout like a neon light.

In 1984 I wrote the following poem, which kind of says it all:

And I can dance too.

See me rise,

Rise above the stage,

Dancing free,
Dancing proud,
Dancing beautiful.

So dance proud in what you wear, my dear ones.  Go out there walking tall and be flamboyantly-don't-give-a-shit.😂

A very royal grand finale...

Years ago my beloved horse Patches and I made "The Ride" of a lifetime with one hell of a grand finale...😂

When Patches and I successfully arrived at the Danner Farm with all the media people in tow after completing the ten mile journey, I relaxed as soon as we turned into the gate proceeding along the tree lined lane knowing we made it.

Mr. Danner raised and showed miniature horses.  As soon as one entered the lane was a pasture 

with many of them.  For the first time in Patches 

life during The Ride he encountered the police 

who escorted us, media, loud trucks, two bridges, and many along our journey who came out to applaud us, and he did beautifully.🐎😃🐎

So I relaxed you see, assuming there was nothing else which could possibly frighten Patches.  However, one must never ever make assumptions with horses for they are very good at suddenly surprising one.  And Patches did just that while the cameras were still rolling.🥴

The group of miniature horses were so excited to see this new horse they came charging up to the fence neighing.  LOUDLY neighing.  It had never occurred to me that Patches becoming frightened by his own species would be a cause for concern.  So at the precise moment I relaxed, Patches suddenly leap-twisted sending me flying high through the air!😱

Remember my blog on aplomb?  Aplomb is when one who rides horses and may fall off at times, can show others how talented they are by the way they have learned to perfect this event.  After a brief moment of ground contact first, there follows this very smooth, fluid movement of keeping going until one is successfully standing again as if one had intended to perform the whole amazing feat 

on purpose.😂 

So, with my considerable aplomb finesse, I was able to successfully perform this amazing feat with
a very smooth, fluid landing on my feet (eventually) single event.  And with a smile too!😃

However, this was not quite the grand finale we all expected.  Thankfully, I was allowed to remount Patches, who by then had become acquainted with his miniature horse fans, and we did the coming through the gate arrival scene again in a much quieter, more dignified way.😊

Later though, much to the delight of our adoring public by then, the original grand finale fall off Patches with aplomb was shown in a bloopers segment with all the many other bloopers we managed to accumulate, of that one very amazing smooth event showcasing my "talent" for eventually landing back on my feet.  And yes, with the smile too.😃

So remember, keep to the bright side my dear ones, for you always land back on your feet.  

Ahem...eventually...🤣

               Patches at two soon after The Ride

The Meadows Orphanage...

"Rhonda and Adelaide please quit giggling and go to sleep," said Mrs. Holcomb, who was a dear House Mother for one of the Girls' Cottages (Dormitories) at the boys and girls orphanage I was staying at.

"Yes, Mrs. Holcomb, we promise!"

We often broke our promises though, but dear Mrs. Holcomb was very patient and understanding. 

On the edge of the town surrounded by vast fields and trees, besides having a lovely long tree-lined drive into 

it, was The Meadows Orphanage.  Because the kids went to the same school as myself, we quickly forged deep bonds.  Not only did the older kids always look out for the younger ones, but they looked out for a height challenged nine year old one too.

Often a mean group of older kids would surround me chanting, "Midget, midget, the scum of the earth, the slime of the sea, the lowest, the rottenest of all humanity."  And without fail the older Meadows kids would rush in taking them on even if it meant coming to blows to do it.  Even all these decades later my eyes fill with tears by how touching it was these kids always did this for me.

So The Meadows Orphanage really played an important part of my journey I am profoundly grateful for.  From the age of two to nine my parents moved twenty-seven times from city to city, state to state.  Like many of the kids, I too, had just arrived to yet another place, another new school.

Yet I was blessed to spend a lot of time staying at The Meadows as a child then.  For you see, one thing I have so often found on this journey of mine is how those of us who either need each other, or are living with similar tough challenges, or those of us who need loving older mentor friends, always find one another.  The dearest people have always entered my life when needed the most.  

Now not all the kids at The Meadows were orphans though.  Some had to be sent there due to abusive home situations similar to mine.  Some because of extreme poverty or parents incapable of caring for them. 

Because we never really got to BE kids by what we had to endure, we were already adults in kids bodies.  We had to be in order to survive the awful situations our adults kept us in.  As a child I constantly would have to keep my parents from killing each other.  And many times crying, begging for my drunk father not to shoot himself with the loaded gun in his hand.  Or me.  Other kids endured far worse.

So we shared very deep bonds because of this.  And because of what I also had to deal with in a body like mine, I was embraced all the more in acceptance, trust, and love.

The kids were allowed to have a school friend come 

stay on a Friday or Saturday each week.  Soon I was spending whole weekends there.  I found out the kids had been telling their Housemothers about me.  They in turn talked to the Director who gave special permission to have Adelaide stay full weekends.

Each cottage had numerous bedrooms with four beds 

in each room, with four bathrooms in a cottage.  In addition, each cottage had its own kitchen where the Housemothers prepared meals, but with each kid helping with chores assigned to them, including me too when there...like drying dishes.

The summer after I turned eleven the unthinkable descended upon us.  The state was closing The Meadows and began placing all my friends in foster homes scattered everywhere.  Tears are running down my cheeks recalling the helpless pain we all felt.  These were my friends...my fellow adults in kids bodies.

For awhile some of us kept in touch.  Then the letters ceased.  Many years ago I had a chance to drive by The Meadows Orphanage.  Other than a section of the tree lined drive remaining it was all gone.  Replaced by a subdivision. 

The Meadows Orphanage became yet another dear sweet small chapter of my young journey within a terrible childhood that helped me survive it.  And I am forever so grateful it was there. 

The stage of life...

Life is a stage,

So learn to play your part,

Keep your head held high,
And learn to bear its sorrows.
                           Palladius

Through the years I worked on many Theatre stages, from large famous ones to very small ones.  That Theatre has been such a wonderful constant in my life, is symbolic in a sense.  For you see, I have so often been told what an inspiration I am to others in the ways I "learned to play my part by keeping my head held high" upon the challenging stage my journey is on. 

And at other times quite unaware I was an inspiration, until later.

Twice I was told I wouldn't be able to walk again.  Twice, I didn't listen (I can be stubborn when it comes to these things you see).  Earlier, I shared with you the second time this happened...

The first time I was only nineteen.

Eleven hours into the surgery my neurosurgeons and orthopaedic surgeons ran into complications through no fault of theirs.  Suddenly I began bleeding out, yet nothing as serious as my second spine surgery when I nearly died in a sudden huge bleed out when we learned I had a rare blood problem.  

Anyway, back to the first spine surgery, thirteen hours later they were done.  Twenty-four hours in surgery.  The next day, in ICU my doctors were anxious to see if I still had any movement in my legs asking me to move them.  Nothing happened.

I had a horse.  I was in school and worked.  My artwork was selling.  I had a life.  Obviously, I would have adjusted to being paralyzed, but I wasn't ready to give up hope yet.  I kept foplcusing on my legs, and wouldn't let go of what it was like to ride or dance.  Then I heard about a six mile marathon scheduled for July 4th...two months away.  I had this crazy idea to at least be able to do the last mile of it...walking.  On my own.  

My surgeon very kindly reminded me, "But honey, you can't even move your legs!"

"No shit," I said.  "But I'm going to!  Watch me."

Despite being a Little Person...despite my awful childhood, I came packaged with six things for this very challenging journey of mine:  the soul of a horse, a sense of humor, an indomitable spirit, determination in spades, artistic talent, and an innate sense of positivity.  Positivity bigger than Norman Vincent Peale positivity.  And that's BIG, my friends!

So the ward I was on did not have any other young people at the time.  The other patients were up in age, recovering from hip or knee surgeries.  And one of them was watching me...listening to me.  Only I didn't know yet.

Slowly, slowly...ever so slowly...my toes, feet, legs began getting movement.  I was pouring everything into them to make them move.  My doctors could not believe what they were seeing!

One day my surgeon suddenly took me down to Physical Therapy by literally scooping me up into his arms and carrying me there.  He positioned me at one end of the parallel bars so I could hold onto them.  He thought at best I would manage one or two steps.  I stubbornly managed to go all the way to the other end and return.  He was speechless!  However, it wasn't as easy as it sounds though.

For getting myself from one end of the parallel bars and back was very painful, exhausting, and tough.  But I did it!  Barely shuffling, but I did it!  I was on my way!

Soon I progressed enough to be allowed to get in and out of bed on my own.

My doctor measured how many rounds of the 6th floor it would take to make a mile.  Four rounds made 1/4 of a mile, so 16 rounds were needed each day for me to do that Marathon mile.

I was on it!

Finally the big day came.  I was still shuffling needing two canes, but could hold my own...on the 6th Floor anyway, but could I on the outside?  I wore my shirt I had made with the words, "I'm Gonna Win!"

My doctors, nurses, and various other hospital staff were there too.  I had been granted a pass to leave the hospital for this under my doctors' care.

And someone else was there too.

Mr. Rothschild, who was across the hall from me, was recovering from a painful knee surgery.  He told my doctors and I later, he was very depressed after his surgery, and was terrified of the pain to the point of giving up.

Yet he kept hearing me refusing to give up, then witnessed me struggling to do those 6th Floor rounds never giving up.  Mr. Rothschild thought if someone like me with so much wrong who was not giving up despite all my challenges, he certainly could too.

Soon we both were doing those 16 rounds on the 6th floor together.  Mr. and Mrs. Rothschild and I went on to become very close friends and would remain as such for the remainder of their lives.

Together, we did that mile, applauded by many.

You see, we just never know who is about to be inspired by the way we are playing our part and keeping our head held high on the tough stage of life, dear ones.

So tenaciously hold onto courage, and keep your head held high on the stage of your journey.🐎💫

My Compassion Quote...

We all have the strength to share the burdens of those we love and those we do not know, because this is what the best of humanity does.  

This is what compassion does and no one has the power to make it stop, yet we all have the power to pour it on.  

Pour your compassion out like 

the spreading ripples of water touching all and make a bright shining difference.  

                             Adelaide