Crazy events all down through Theatre History and all down through MY own history in Theatre ALWAYS happens NOT during rehearsals but before a full Opening Night House including Board Members and even a critic or two. The first of the following two pieces is really more about equine sweet revenge exacted upon two who stubbornly refused to listen, while the second piece is charmingly hilarious...
Many years ago the theatre I designed for was doing
a huge musical production of "Gone With The Wind."
This became one of the largest productions I was ever involved with.
For "The Burning Of Atlanta" scene to end Act I, new lighting technology made the stage appear to be in flames. This also included a huge tree engulfed in "flames" too which royally crashes to the stage.
Now then, the Artistic Director and the Director of the musical got it into their heads there just HAD to be a real live horse on stage for this scene. Knowing about my decades owning horses including Patches by then, I was asked what I thought about this given my expertise on the matter...
"Adelaide," asked the Artistic Director, "what do you think about this? Should we attempt it?"
"No way in hell! First you will be lucky to even GET a horse onto the stage! Then WE know the stage won't really be on fire but a horse won't! Besides having a huge tree in "flames" crash to the stage too?!! Even a sedated horse on stage in a production like this will be terrified beyond belief! It would be very cruel to do this."
Then cried the Director, "But I WANT a horse for this! We absolutely must and I mean MUST have a horse during the scene!"
I begged them not to but you know, sometimes Artistic Directors, play Directors, and even Executive Directors too, can be terribly stubborn. Especially as experience tries to urgently warn them about what will happen.
Ohhh, they should have listened to your Adelaide, for much to their deep regret later those two wished they had. Because not only were these two drowning in humiliation and the anger unleashed upon them, they lost their jobs. You see, on this Opening Night all our Board Members were there as well as the Critics and long before Act I even reached the place of no return our Board Members were questioning the very sanity of these two guys for cruelly having the audacity of putting a horse on stage as Atlanta burns. And as upsetting as this was for me to see unfold then that dear horse certainly did take sweet revenge upon those two guys.
For you see events happened accordingly...
Before Atlanta even began to burn the poor terrified, nervous horse began releasing tons of very runny shit all over the stage actors began slipping and falling in.
Watching from the wings I could see this alone was clearly having a very negative effect upon the distinguished Board Members not to mention the Critics all seated in the seats closest to stage front where all the shitting and peeing was taking place.
And the worse was still yet to come!
For all at once Atlanta began burning. This is when the terrified horse dragged the small boy the Director put with the horse from one end of the stage to the other trying to get away which is when its owner rushed out on stage.
Right on cue the huge tree in "flames" came crashing down. Only it didn't STAY down. Of all times for a malfunction to happen one did as the tree in "flames" kept rising back up and crashing down again...and again...and again...
This is the moment when that poor dear horse leaped off the stage taking the owner with it. Not good, so not good.
Though the dear horse thankfully landed safely it narrowly missed the Orchestra Pit but royally splattered the Board Members and Critics in their fancy attire and I mean SPLATTERED.
Oh my, their very expensive designer dresses and tuxedos were SO decorated with very substantial amounts of runny horse shit and urine. And I really must say this DEFINITELY was not to their liking at all.
So instead of that poor horse being able to exit the theatre the way it entered at the huge stage door in the back, it galloped up the House Right Aisle because you see that flaming tree was still rising and crashing as frantic technicians were working to make it stop. No way was that poor horse going to wait around!
Imagine the absolute surprise of the Lobby personnel when suddenly a frantic horse dragging its hooman came galloping into the Lobby still spraying shit as it went!
Thankfully, what kept that terrified dear horse from crashing through the Front Lobby windows to escape the horrors of Atlanta Burning and the flaming tree which kept falling down over and over, was one of the Lobby columns. The horse flew past it on one side while the owner ended up on the other which gave the owner at last the means to make the poor dear horse stop while I grabbed its halter and began rubbing its head and neck to begin calming it.
Throwing his keys to an usher the owner instructed him to bring his truck with the horse van to the Front of the theatre...PRONTO! Gradually the owner and I were able to calm the horse while we waited for the van to arrive.
Thankfully our Front Lobby had more than just revolving doors because I can assure you no way in hell would anyone get that horse to exit through a revolving door. No, no, no, but with the owner and I both leading it on each side continuing to calm the horse, we safely exited out one of the large glass Front Lobby Doors then went straight into the waiting horse van once traffic could be stopped without any further problems.
Drivers and sidewalk bystanders looked on in shock to suddenly see a horse and a Little Person[?!!] exit the ornate theatre's Front Lobby Entrances on the Red Carpet to then get into the waiting van. Certainly not your typical everyday sight to see in the city even if it was happening on the Red Carpet in front of the theatre!
Well, waaay more than just Atlanta got scorched that evening besides the flaming tree which finally quit falling. Especially after the Board Members learned from the very apologetic Artistic Director and Musical Director how Adelaide had done her utmost to warn them but they refused to listen.
The stage, the Orchestra Pit, the first few rows of Front Center, and the House Right Aisle were a stinking mess besides all the Board Members who were clearly a stinking mess too. Though I must say they were a very NICELY dressed stinking mess.
Anyway, the performance had to be rescheduled then the Critics bribed by the wealthy Board President to PLEEZE return the NEXT night instead to review the production. Now whatever he bribed them with it worked, however we never learned what he bribed them with.
By the following night all had been thoroughly cleaned and repaired to working order. THIS time Atlanta burned properly. And the flaming tree fell just once. But the theatre did have two brand new positions to be filled for an Artistic Director and a Musical Director.
And the horse??
I visited it two days later with peppermints, grateful to see a very happy calm horse. At my insistence I had asked the Board Members and received approval for the Theatre covering an immediate veterinary check on
the horse the day after the fiasco. All was well.
And the owner promised me never again would he agree to having HIS horse in ANY theatre production ever again.👍🎭🐴💫
Lightning can indeed strike in the same place more than twice and unbelievably did it ever. This little event not only happened at the same small theatre I shared a hilarious event with you here before, but is all too amazingly similar. No bonking bovines though.
I told you how our Costumer Laura's pants split wide open during a production of Romeo And Juliet in the middle of nowhere at a park. And it wasn't that her pants just split, it was the underpants she had chosen to wear that day. For Laura's underpants just happened to have in big red letters the words, "I'M NAUGHTY" which stood out like a neon light in her split as wide as the Amazon River.
Fast forward two performance seasons.
We were doing a small production of the Andrew
Lloyd Webber musical "The Phantom." A very lovely actress/singer named Serena played the female lead.
This was Opening Night and our performance that evening was sold out. We also had been told an agent from New York was there. Now for aspiring actors this is always a huge deal for those who seek success on Broadway.
Serena and Justin who was The Phantom, both aspired to reach Broadway fame. And both wanted to and did really give a kick-ass performance that night.
If familiar with "The Phantom," candelabras are an important part of the props. Of course the candles we used were not real. However near the Grand Finale of Act II, the candle prop failed as they sort of jack-knifed as the candelabra shifted weirdly for some reason.
Near the end Serena runs on, kisses the Phantom then turns to run off. Due to this "new" candelabra position Serena had to jump over the candles now in her way.
There was a problem with this maneuver though Serena could not forsee because as she leaped high over the protruding candles the end of her long dress got caught on the candles and candelabra.
In Theatre there are certain sounds those of us in the wings hear that cause us to freeze in horror as we did when Laura's Rip was heard around the world.
Serena's Ripping Event was not only heard by us, we watched in horror as the entire back section of Serena's dress from her waist down caught on the candelabra and was torn away leaving our dear Serena's rear end exposed. Not JUST her rear end itself mind you, but her underpants.
Like our dear Laura, this was not a good day for Serena to have her black underpants exposed which had very bright hot pink lettering one could even read from the Lighting Booth they said, which is a considerable distance away up high. I personally have always suspected the guys were using the binoculars kept way up there though.😂
And the lettering for ALL to see?!!
Well, you surely are aware of the iconic "I 💖 NY?"
Serena's black underpants had in the brightest hot pink lettering with a big heart: "I 💖 SEX."🤩
At the touching ending of Phantom those of us Stage Right in the wings, then the Phantom, then the audience seated Front House Left, suddenly all found ourselves lost in uncontrollable laughter. Yet Serena was still at this moment totally oblivious to the fact of which underwear she chose this day to wear and as to why it was now having such an impact upon approximately two hundred people including the New York agent who just happened to also be seated in Front House Left too.🤣
After Serena finally made it to the Stage Right wing, since I was the only female present it fell upon me to
be the one to tell Serena why we were losing it. Only it took me a while to pull myself together first so I could.
"Serena dear, you are wearing undies letting the world know this fact about yourself: "I 💖 SEX."
"OHHH SHIT!"😱
"Hey it's all right! Only all those seated Front House Left got a clear view of seeing what it is you love!"
We quickly got Serena into another dress for the
Curtain Calls, which by the way Serena alone received very enthusiastic applause each time she stepped forth and bowed...most all of it coming from Front House Left.🤣
And guess what?!!
That agent from New York came backstage. Signed Serena and Justin each to a Theatre contract for one of the biggest agencies in NYC!
So wearing THOSE underpants on the very day the back of Serena's dress tore away really paid off!👏💫
There surely must be a very important Theatre moral
or superstition to this story here somewhere about wearing specific underwear with the right lettering that can assist in reaching one's dreams, assuming one's clothing is ripped off at the right moment for all to see on an Opening Night...😂💫🎭
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