Diplomacy hilarity...

We have all surely had these moments in our lives at one time or another, and then if we haven't, we must not be opening our mouths or signing with our hands very much.  

I am talking about those folding up with embarrassment moments and/or opening our mouths and inserting our foot moments.  And yes, yours truly has managed to have a few zingers along the way.😳  

Because the show must always go on even if the scene designer gets thrown into a hospital for a unexpected long period, the theatre I would be working for at such a time would very understandably have to hire a replacement to finish the season.  Then after I recovered from whatever long surgery and recovery, I had no choice but to find temporary work, which usually was never a problem.  During those intervals I have helped veterans obtain their benefits, made signs for small businesses, did framing, worked for (in the offices of) horse farms or equine veterinarians, and finally, even worked for a architectural firm, painting what a building would look like to give clients a visual rendering beyond the hard to visualize plans staring at them.

So this particular open-mouth-insert-foot event happened when I was working at the architectural firm.

The somewhat small firm was owned by a dear husband-wife team, employing approximately twenty-five men and two women, aside from the owners who were not there often.  

One day out of the blue, the owners suddenly brought in a new Marketing Manager and wouldn't you know, it was their daughter in-law.  In the first place, we didn't even have a Marketing Manager position to begin with.  Some of the guys were uncomfortable with this.  Soon we ALL were...uncomfortable.😱

Unfortunately, you see, Ms. Donna brought along with her a problem which immediately began affecting us.  For dear Ms. Donna had a body odor issue.  An intense one.  While the rest of us dressed comfortably, aside from me who dressed like a hippie, Ms. Donna who was also extremely haughty, dressed quite impeccably.  She wore expensive business suits with matching high heels.  And she constantly worried about her appearance.  One day when she needed a ride to pick her car up that had been worked on, everyone suddenly had excuses as to why they just could not give her a ride...except me.  I got caught off guard.  So I gave her a ride in my car which contained two bales of hay, horse feed, grooming supplies, bridles, lead shanks, halters.  Ms. Donna then worried and fretted to no end driving us crazy, fearing she smelled.  Like a horse.  To the point she rushed home, changed business suits, and immediately took the one she had on to the cleaners.  We would have all been very grateful IF SHE DID SMELL LIKE A HORSE after riding in my car, but alas, she didn't.  No way.

Something drastic needed to be done.  Giving her perfume and fancy soaps on her birthday didn't work.  So all the guys, Miss Bailee, and I met after work one evening.  Right away, the guys felt either Miss Bailee or I had to take this task on, because we were of course, women you see.  Then the conversation went something like this...

"Adelaide, we think you should be the one."

"ME?!!  Why ME?!!"

"Because you're so cute and the owners really like you.  Besides you have something in common with her."💫

"I don't have A THING in common with her!"🙄

"You're near the same age, and she nearly pees her pants laughing like the rest of us when you tell your hilarious horse, dwarf, or theatre stories!  She never even smiles at any of us." 😱

"So please do it for all of us, Adelaide!  PLEASE?!!  We'll EVEN buy you a whole month's worth of horse feed if you do this!  PUH-LEEZE?!!"

They got me on the horse feed.😂

As soon as there was no chance of rain in the forecast so we could be outdoors for my sake, I reluctantly asked if Ms. Donna would have lunch with me at the park.

"Sure.  But I'll drive myself, if you don't mind, and you must drive yourself!"

"No, I don't mind!  Not at all!"  I had planned on driving myself anyway, because I wasn't about to tell the poor woman about how badly she smelled if I didn't have my car with me!🙄

At the park as we were nearly done eating, with Ms. Donna at one end of the table and I at the other, I asked, "Ms. Donna, have you ever had concerns expressed where you previously worked about body odor?"🤫

"No, why?  Are YOU having a problem with body odor, Adelaide?"  [Sometimes people are terribly slow about grasping what one is saying no matter how clearly one expresses it] 

"HELL NO!!!  I uh, mean...NO.  Didn't anyone ever express to you the possibility YOU had a unpleasant smell?"😖

"Not exactly.  I never worked any place for very long.  I wear the best, most expensive clothing yet people don't like me for some reason."🤪

"Uh, what do you mean by, 'Not exactly?'"🙃  

"Okay!  So I've been told I have a body odor, can you believe that?!!  How rude people are!  After all, I take my clothes to the cleaners each week, and I bathe once each week too, so how can I possibly smell?!!"💥

"Ms. Donna, something is not working, and there is no other way to try to put this...you really smell.  And you smell downright awful.  You must be a very lovely person, but it is so difficult to be around you no one can find this out.  Miss Bailee is getting calls from those you visit to promote the firm, begging to please not have you ever return."😱

"How dare you talk to me this way!  I don't believe you!"

"Ms. Donna, I'm trying to tell you in the nicest way possible, you flat out stink to high heaven.  Worse than cow manure.  Even rotten eggs.  Probably not as bad as a stunk though..."🤣

"I've never been so insulted, you...you..."

"Midget?  You've got to admit..."  

"I'm calling my in-laws!"

"...at least I'm not a stinking midget!"💥

I really tried so hard to use my best tact.  Yet I think it all fell apart when I mentioned the skunk bit to her.🤫

Not surprisingly I received a call from the owners.  Wanted me to come visit their home right away.  As I left, my comrades in arms, were preparing to revolt on my behalf.😃

I went to the mansion overlooking the river where the owners lived.

When they told me they were absolutely thrilled with me, I was speechless.🤣

The gist of it all was first, their beloved son, blinded by love, was immune to his wife's odor issue.  It was destroying the family.  They didn't know what to do.  Besides, the woman couldn't hold any jobs due to this "problem."

But the owners had faith in their employees.  When Ms. Donna lost yet another job, they created the "Marketing Manager" position as a way to put Ms. Donna in our midst, hoping we could somehow put things into motion for what they were afraid of trying to do themselves.  So 
in effect I became their catalyst.💥 

As they listened to the very excellent "tact" I used to make Ms. Donna aware of the situation, the owners couldn't stop laughing.  Gave me a huge raise!  Said they were going to give the rest one too.

"Uh, may I please make a phone call right away?  I need to stop a revolt from happening..."😱🤣

The owners had a long talk with their son and daughter 
in-law, who finally acknowledged she had a problem.  Somehow it all got resolved, she got a brand new job, 
and the last I heard, was still working at the place after many years, smell free.👏

Amazing.💥