On hope...

The definition of hope in Websters Dictionary is:  to cherish a desire with anticipation of wanting something to happen or be true; to desire with an expectation or belief of fulfillment; someone or something on which hope is centered.

As I have touched on in earlier blogs like the famous "Goldfish Caper," I have had to be hospitalized on Pediatric Oncology wards to receive bone marrow treatments for my dangerously plummeting blood counts during my twenties and thirties.  Similar to those receiving bone marrow transplants now, I too, had to be kept in sterile conditions while a new powerful drug went into my bone marrow making me both vulnerable and desperately ill for a time.

Some of the dearest, most treasured friendships I have ever had have been made on Pediatric Oncology wards.  Regardless of ages, the deep bonds of all being in the fight of our lives together and sick as hell, allowed us to embrace each other in precious ways unlike life outside the ward.  For one thing we were isolated.  Yet one would think life in the ward abounded in despair.  But no...quite the opposite you see.  Because life on the ward abounded in hope.  Faith and love too, but I am focusing on hope here today.  And we need it now more than ever.

Due to my age, yet being little like the kids, I could reach them in unique ways.  Since I was also someone who owned and rode horses, who could draw, play the piano and make laughter happen too, I really rated.  But they all loved hearing my horse stories most.  Especially the one when my horse Selah accidentally stepped on my right foot, and they could see the scar imprint of her hoof forever engraved on my foot.  Again and again they would ask for me to tell them this story and show my foot.  And they also loved to hear me tell what it was like to gallop across the fields on my horses, often expressing hope to do the same someday, or when they reached heaven.

Though all most certainly embraced the hope of getting well again, not all did.  There was no way to hide the reality of death on the ward.  Yet the kids embraced their belief of heaven as encouraged to by their parents.  Often their belief in heaven was a very deep and profound one far beyond their years.  The kids talked about heaven a lot.  When I was able to, I was asked to draw a lot of winged horses the children wanted to have for their rooms.  I had shared with them how horses seem to fly when they gallop, and how galloping on my horses felt just like we were flying.  I also told them my hope that when my own time came to go to heaven someday, I would arrive on a flying horse. 

Some say children who have a disease or condition, are angels sent to teach adults a thing or two about having faith and hope.  I believe this.  

Nine year old horse lover Jonny had been fighting leukemia since he was a toddler.  Though many lives are saved now, back then drugs still had a long way to come yet.  While doctors said nothing more could be done for Jonny, his parents kept his hope of getting better burning bright, because he kept telling everyone he was going to get better.  Months earlier his parents promised him a pony if he got well, and Jonny was not about to let go of the hope for his long held dream to come true.

Hope burning bright can sometimes shine forth with a miracle.  I know this, because I wasn't supposed to be able to walk again twice following spine surgeries, but refused to let go of hope.  And both times, I learned to walk again.  Also the new bone marrow drug had been 
so new they were unsure if it would help me.  I embraced the hope it would...and eventually it did.

Another huge miracle of hope that brightly blazed forth?  Against all the odds, Jonny went into remission.  It was an amazing miracle.  And the pony was waiting for him when he got out of the hospital.  Jonny told me he named her Selah, after my horse.🙂💕🐎

Hold onto hope and never let it go, my dear ones.