A farting situation...

In my blog, "Speaking 101" yesterday, I wrote about my dear friend Nora of many years.  We both were powerful speakers, and had been asked by the Warden of a women's prison to come speak, and were such a hit with not only the women, but the staff as well, we were asked to come back many times.

Apparently the Warden had been raving to his wife about us, because one week Nora got a call from the lady inviting us to come talk.  Days later Nora called me.  "Oh shit, Adelaide!  I nearly forgot!  We have a speaking engagement at some women's group!"

"When?"

"Today, at 4pm."

"Today?!!  How long have you known this?!!"

"Uh, about two weeks."

"Nora!!!"🤪

Kentucky was in the midst of one of its' worse droughts in state history during that time.  Everything was dusty.  Especially my car, since I  needed to feed Selah twice a day.  I had no choice but to keep two bales of hay in my car, besides sacks of feed, and all her other stuff.  With a dress, fancy shoes, and makeup in tow, I rushed out to the farm to care for Selah, and got ready beneath the grove of trees while she ate.

As Nora and I were driving to the address given, I heard rumblings coming from her body.  There is a beloved, well known hamburger chain throughout the eastern and midwest States, called White Castle.  The hamburgers are small, loaded with onions, cheap, and good.  Also open twenty-four hours a day.

"Nora, please tell me you haven't eaten at White Castle in the last twelve hours?"

"Adelaide, I ate at White Castle before the sun came up this morning."

"NORA!  You know those cause you to have gas!  How many did you eat?"

"Uh, eight?  Nine?"🙃

"Nora, I have a bad feeling about this."🥴

We both did by the time we arrived at the address given.  This wasn't going to be just any little women's group.  We arrived at the gate of a rich community with mansions.  HUGE mansions.  And we damn near didn't get in until Security verified with the Hostess, we were who we said we were.  

"Oh shit, Nora!  Look at these mansions!"😱

So we arrive at the mansion belonging to a very wealthy CEO who lived next door to the Warden.  Valets were there to park cars.  You can imagine their faces when WE drove up in a VERY old dusty car filled with hay and horse feed.  Definitely NOT the kind of cars they were used to!🙃

A nice butler dressed fancy then escorted us through many large rooms to the one where the wealthy ladies were.  Each room we passed through, the carpet became deeper, and were more ornate than the previous room.  Obviously the Hostess knew immediately who we were, because an African American and a Little Person did stand out from the rest.🙄

"Oh dahlings, you must be Adelaide and Nora!"  

There were about fifty or sixty women dressed to the nines in furs, dresses, gloves, heels, and expensive jewelry.  A fancy table with tea, coffee, finger sandwiches, and cakes had been laid out.  Since I was not the one who ate a bunch of White Castles and hadn't eaten all day, I helped myself to a few things, and coffee.

The time came for us to speak.  I was first.  The butler had to bring me a chair so I could reach the podium and microphone.  As I spoke, I noticed Nora had begun to squirm uncomfortably.😱 

When I was done the women gave me a rousing applause.

Now it was Nora's turn.  Midway through her powerful story either the effects of riding in a car filled with hay or all the gallons of perfume these ladies used hit her, for suddenly she sneezed unleashing a chain reaction, because when she sneezed the loudest, longest fart in history escaped my dear friend.😳  

Ohhh, it didn't end there either because she 

sneezed again and again and again with the same exact results each time.😱

By this time I was in my seat totally drowning in uncontrollable laughter with tears streaming down my face.🤣

Many ladies unable to endure the White Castle gas bombs exited to another room while maids opened windows and sprayed canisters of air freshener.  The kind butler said he never laughed so hard in his life as he showed us to a bathroom because I was about to pee all over myself.  But thankfully by then Nora's "problem" had cleared up thanks to all the history making gas bombs.🥴

So now if you're clamoring to know what happened next, because Nora was such a powerful speaker, and many ladies themselves had also experienced the White Castle gas bomb phenomenon, they insisted she continue.  In fact we were invited to other mansions and women's groups for several more tea time talks!😃

Only I made darn sure from then on Nora never again had any White Castles within twenty-four hours before we were to speak anywhere!🤣