the struggle
you're in
today
is developing the
strength
you need for
tomorrow
Saturday, July 18, 2020
Selah my horse and peace...
{Dear ones, I was unable to complete the new blog almost done, due to the nausea situation I am dealing with, so am reposting the following, which we all can use...peace. Keep well, and know you are appreciated.}
It is said horses fly without wings. This is true, for they do. With each stride a horse makes when galloping, three quarters of it are spent in the air soaring forward. So whenever I would gallop my horses and soar, there is that thrilling, exhilarating moment where as one, my horses and I would leave the earth sailing on the wind. That I was blessed to fly without wings as one with my horses is a treasure I am one of the privileged to hold onto forever.
In a world these days where many of us are having to pause as never before, let us look deeply at the meaning of what is pausing. The word Selah means peace, pause. I gave my horse Selah this name because she was my separate peace. Actually, so were my six other horses too.😃
Many live such busy, nonstop lives, when they reach the end the realization hits them of how much they have missed. When there is not time to get quiet...to pause, our psyche does not have the nurturing, replenishing it needs. We are not able to grasp those little things, which actually are the huge things we need to take notice of and grasp the most.
It is said horses fly without wings. This is true, for they do. With each stride a horse makes when galloping, three quarters of it are spent in the air soaring forward. So whenever I would gallop my horses and soar, there is that thrilling, exhilarating moment where as one, my horses and I would leave the earth sailing on the wind. That I was blessed to fly without wings as one with my horses is a treasure I am one of the privileged to hold onto forever.
In a world these days where many of us are having to pause as never before, let us look deeply at the meaning of what is pausing. The word Selah means peace, pause. I gave my horse Selah this name because she was my separate peace. Actually, so were my six other horses too.😃
Many live such busy, nonstop lives, when they reach the end the realization hits them of how much they have missed. When there is not time to get quiet...to pause, our psyche does not have the nurturing, replenishing it needs. We are not able to grasp those little things, which actually are the huge things we need to take notice of and grasp the most.
Think of it. If we rapidly plunge through a garden rather than experience a garden by walking, we deeply see so much more because we are taking
the time to immerse ourselves in it. And when we immerse ourselves in it, we appreciate. We become aware.
When Thoreau paused by going into the woods, Walden got written. Monet painted his famous water lilly series. Neil Diamond composed his monumental Jonathan Livingston Seagull soundtrack. T.S. Eliot wrote his poem which became the smash Broadway musical, "Cats."
And Adelaide left the earth a thousand times while flying without wings on her galloping horses.
Selah...
When Thoreau paused by going into the woods, Walden got written. Monet painted his famous water lilly series. Neil Diamond composed his monumental Jonathan Livingston Seagull soundtrack. T.S. Eliot wrote his poem which became the smash Broadway musical, "Cats."
And Adelaide left the earth a thousand times while flying without wings on her galloping horses.
Selah...
Friday, July 17, 2020
On self esteem...
Back in 1996 I was asked to take part in a very unique project to help others. Serena, a psychologist, had known about me for years, due to the media coverage about my art and The Ride with Patches, my horse. She had also been hearing about what an inspiring speaker I was too.
Serena was acquainted with my orthopaedic surgeon and one day called him to see if he would tell me about this self esteem project she wanted to conduct.
So I get a call from my orthopaedic surgeon.🙂
"Adelaide, a psychologist I know wanted me to see if you could take part in some kind of self esteem doll making project for women with self esteem issues, and no, not because YOU need help in this area, but because she strongly feels your presence will benefit these women in ways she can't."
"A doll?!! What kind of a doll?"🤔
"I don't know. But knowing you, and knowing how you
and your friend have been successfully speaking at the Women's Prison, I think you would have a huge impact. Her name is Serena, and she can explain it all to you. By the way, I think you'd be a cute little doll."🤣
So I spoke to Serena. She felt since I attained all I did and was doing in MY body, I could have an impact on the women struggling with self esteem, who were insecure and unhappy, because they focused on perceived things wrong with their bodies which inhibited them. Some seriously.
The doll. Over three days we all, Serena and I too, would be making life-size three dimensional dolls of ourselves taken from our exact measurements...head to toe.
"Uh, and then what?"🤔
"Focus on reshifting the negative self image these ladies have of themselves into positive ones. And to help them begin to learn to accept and embrace their bodies."
Serena received a small grant to do this project. She had to spend a large amount of the grant for the supplies and refreshments needed, yet was trying to still give me a stipend for my time. Since I happened to be free the weekend this would be, I waived the stipend. Like how many opportunities does one get in a lifetime to make a life-size doll of themselves anyway?🤣
Nine ladies in addition to Serena and I were there. As we began to introduce ourselves, all the ladies blurted out, "YOU'RE THE PATCHES LADY!" They all had followed our story during The Ride saga, and knew me as everyone did, by my horse Patches' name because no one could remember my name. I was touched. I then briefly told them the rest. Now THEY were touched.😃
Then each of them shared their stories and reasons for being there. One lady was struggling to overcome being bulimic; two others were overweight; one had a problem with aging; another had a problem with being too short but just meeting ME already had a positive effect she said; one had a liver transplant a few years earlier but was struggling with how the anti-rejection drugs changed her appearance; another was struggling with how the chemo treatments she was getting had made her look; and one was just very insecure and had never felt good about herself.😪
The time came for us all to begin making a doll of ourselves. We were asked to choose partners, and immediately they all asked to be mine. So we worked out a way for me to be a partner with each lady through the three days of the project.
First we had to measure each other from head to toe. Then as one lay on sheets of newsprint paper, another drew their outline to make a pattern to be pinned on muslin and cut out. By the end of our first day, arms, legs, torsos, heads, hands, and feet were strewn everywhere.
The next day the sewing by hand process began bringing the body parts together. As we sewed, there was serious talk, as Serena and I spent time individually with each lady. They all were especially keen to know how I got where I was, as in accepting myself even with the mean ridicule I lived with. I shared how my friend Joseph had me make a "Dwarf Card," and the huge affect it had upon my young life. Then focusing upon the positives; not the negatives. Having a gratitude attitude. I also gave them
a list of the books which had also made a difference in
my young life. They all, including Serena, wrote down much of what I shared. Since Serena was privately counseling the ladies, I had given them ways they
could attain self acceptance by working together
with her.
The third day we had fully completed our dolls and dressed them with clothes we brought. Then placed them in chairs across from each of us. There was a long silence. Serena asked me first about the thoughts I had.
My first thought I told them, was "Oh my, I REALLY am a DWARF!" I realized just how much self acceptance I had been blessed to attain along my journey and grateful I did, because there had been a time in my young life when seeing my exact image in 3-D form across from me would have been painfully difficult.😖
Every lady was forced to see themselves in a whole new way. Yet in a way which kick started a new journey of self acceptance and self esteem for each of them.💥
So what happened to my life-sized doll replica? After a few years she began "aging" by graying and losing her "innards" as I did too when I had surgery for cancer and abdominal surgeries. Then I moved and the doll was in
my car trunk and scared the hell out of people whenever
I opened it, who actually thought the doll was a real human until I showed them it wasn't.😱
Finally, it was time to bid my doll replica goodbye before I got arrested for having a body in my trunk...so I sent her off in a very nice black trash bag.🤣💫
Serena was acquainted with my orthopaedic surgeon and one day called him to see if he would tell me about this self esteem project she wanted to conduct.
So I get a call from my orthopaedic surgeon.🙂
"Adelaide, a psychologist I know wanted me to see if you could take part in some kind of self esteem doll making project for women with self esteem issues, and no, not because YOU need help in this area, but because she strongly feels your presence will benefit these women in ways she can't."
"A doll?!! What kind of a doll?"🤔
"I don't know. But knowing you, and knowing how you
and your friend have been successfully speaking at the Women's Prison, I think you would have a huge impact. Her name is Serena, and she can explain it all to you. By the way, I think you'd be a cute little doll."🤣
So I spoke to Serena. She felt since I attained all I did and was doing in MY body, I could have an impact on the women struggling with self esteem, who were insecure and unhappy, because they focused on perceived things wrong with their bodies which inhibited them. Some seriously.
The doll. Over three days we all, Serena and I too, would be making life-size three dimensional dolls of ourselves taken from our exact measurements...head to toe.
"Uh, and then what?"🤔
"Focus on reshifting the negative self image these ladies have of themselves into positive ones. And to help them begin to learn to accept and embrace their bodies."
Serena received a small grant to do this project. She had to spend a large amount of the grant for the supplies and refreshments needed, yet was trying to still give me a stipend for my time. Since I happened to be free the weekend this would be, I waived the stipend. Like how many opportunities does one get in a lifetime to make a life-size doll of themselves anyway?🤣
Nine ladies in addition to Serena and I were there. As we began to introduce ourselves, all the ladies blurted out, "YOU'RE THE PATCHES LADY!" They all had followed our story during The Ride saga, and knew me as everyone did, by my horse Patches' name because no one could remember my name. I was touched. I then briefly told them the rest. Now THEY were touched.😃
Then each of them shared their stories and reasons for being there. One lady was struggling to overcome being bulimic; two others were overweight; one had a problem with aging; another had a problem with being too short but just meeting ME already had a positive effect she said; one had a liver transplant a few years earlier but was struggling with how the anti-rejection drugs changed her appearance; another was struggling with how the chemo treatments she was getting had made her look; and one was just very insecure and had never felt good about herself.😪
The time came for us all to begin making a doll of ourselves. We were asked to choose partners, and immediately they all asked to be mine. So we worked out a way for me to be a partner with each lady through the three days of the project.
First we had to measure each other from head to toe. Then as one lay on sheets of newsprint paper, another drew their outline to make a pattern to be pinned on muslin and cut out. By the end of our first day, arms, legs, torsos, heads, hands, and feet were strewn everywhere.
The next day the sewing by hand process began bringing the body parts together. As we sewed, there was serious talk, as Serena and I spent time individually with each lady. They all were especially keen to know how I got where I was, as in accepting myself even with the mean ridicule I lived with. I shared how my friend Joseph had me make a "Dwarf Card," and the huge affect it had upon my young life. Then focusing upon the positives; not the negatives. Having a gratitude attitude. I also gave them
a list of the books which had also made a difference in
my young life. They all, including Serena, wrote down much of what I shared. Since Serena was privately counseling the ladies, I had given them ways they
could attain self acceptance by working together
with her.
The third day we had fully completed our dolls and dressed them with clothes we brought. Then placed them in chairs across from each of us. There was a long silence. Serena asked me first about the thoughts I had.
My first thought I told them, was "Oh my, I REALLY am a DWARF!" I realized just how much self acceptance I had been blessed to attain along my journey and grateful I did, because there had been a time in my young life when seeing my exact image in 3-D form across from me would have been painfully difficult.😖
Every lady was forced to see themselves in a whole new way. Yet in a way which kick started a new journey of self acceptance and self esteem for each of them.💥
So what happened to my life-sized doll replica? After a few years she began "aging" by graying and losing her "innards" as I did too when I had surgery for cancer and abdominal surgeries. Then I moved and the doll was in
my car trunk and scared the hell out of people whenever
I opened it, who actually thought the doll was a real human until I showed them it wasn't.😱
Finally, it was time to bid my doll replica goodbye before I got arrested for having a body in my trunk...so I sent her off in a very nice black trash bag.🤣💫
READERS...
My dear Readers,
Some of you may have noticed I have had to do more reposting of previous blogs, and I apologize.
There have been complications from the urethra procedure last week causing intense pain and more problems keeping my already nerve damaged bladder functioning. In addition I have another infection.
My digestive track and colon are worsening too. The most difficult part this past week is my insurance without any warning, suddenly did not approve my nausea medicine I have been on over ten years. Intense nausea is due to my digestive track not fully functioning due to the same nerve damage as my urinary track.
The Zofran makes living with the nausea bearable. Since I am suddenly without it, the nausea has been a nightmare. If you have been nauseated before you can understand where I am, as nausea makes focusing on anything hard.
I have launched an appeal, as well as my doctors are fighting for me too. Hopefully this will soon be resolved.
Still, I will have a new blog piece to post tomorrow. I couldn't get it finished today. And had begun others before this happened.
I will be doing more videos, and will be making an announcement when and where these will be.
Again, your patience, understanding, and continued support in reading my blog are appreciated more than words can express, dear ones.
Adelaide
Some of you may have noticed I have had to do more reposting of previous blogs, and I apologize.
There have been complications from the urethra procedure last week causing intense pain and more problems keeping my already nerve damaged bladder functioning. In addition I have another infection.
My digestive track and colon are worsening too. The most difficult part this past week is my insurance without any warning, suddenly did not approve my nausea medicine I have been on over ten years. Intense nausea is due to my digestive track not fully functioning due to the same nerve damage as my urinary track.
The Zofran makes living with the nausea bearable. Since I am suddenly without it, the nausea has been a nightmare. If you have been nauseated before you can understand where I am, as nausea makes focusing on anything hard.
I have launched an appeal, as well as my doctors are fighting for me too. Hopefully this will soon be resolved.
Still, I will have a new blog piece to post tomorrow. I couldn't get it finished today. And had begun others before this happened.
I will be doing more videos, and will be making an announcement when and where these will be.
Again, your patience, understanding, and continued support in reading my blog are appreciated more than words can express, dear ones.
Adelaide
Thursday, July 16, 2020
A courageous journey...
In honor of what would have been Dr. Kopits' 84th birthday, 17 July, I am reposting how I was blessed to become his patient and friend. He was beloved by all Little People and still missed...
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. -Lao Tzu
The journey of a thousand miles actually begins with having the courage TO take that first single step.
There are approximately 200 types of dwarfism with Achondroplasia being the most common. Almost all obviously affect the bone structure, cartilage, and connective tissues...with 4'10" the maximum amount of height.
Eighty percent of us come from families with no history of dwarfism whatsoever, as in my case.
However, the jury is still out on which type of dwarfism I have...though I certainly have some of the Achondroplasia characteristics. In fact, how I met Dr. Kopits and became his patient, was because I had an appointment to see his colleague, the dear geneticist Dr. McKusick at Johns-Hopkins. Though I recovered from the bleed out and paralysis during my most recent spine surgery at that time, I was having severe problems with plummeting blood counts. My doctors were hoping if we could nail down which type of dwarfism I have, we could possibly solve the blood count issues. Also learn if other Little People had the same problem.
The only thing was though, I had just been in the hospital for months while learning to walk again, missed work all that time, and gone through what savings I had. I didn't know yet how I was going to get to Baltimore, and stay for one day and two nights. With a courageous leap of faith, I took that single step anyway, and made the arrangements needed. The next day I found a envelope someone put under my door. An anonymous donor provided the airline ticket and the money to cover the room near Johns-Hopkins.
Dr. Kopits was such an extraordinary doctor for Little People, he had a waiting list of one to two years. When I scheduled my appointment for Dr. McKusick, I learned it just happened to be a day Dr. Kopits was at Johns-Hopkins seeing patients. I was hopeful to simply get to meet him.
I flew to Baltimore, and saw Dr. McKusick early the next morning. As soon as I saw him, he got very excited. He immediately noticed my hands, feet, and longish extremities. Remember, I hadn't met any other Little People yet to know I was "unique" in this way. Besides being on the "tall" side of dwarfism, my hands and feet are average size. I can wear regular shoes. Many Little People cannot and my heart aches for them deeply.
Dr. McKusick flipped out when he learned I played the piano, was an artist, and Theatre Set Designer.
And then...AND THEN...when he learned I owned and rode horses, his jaw dropped. At that point, he suddenly got up, grabbed my hand, and began dragging me (I had to go with my hand) for his colleagues to see. And you guessed it...one of those just happened to be Dr. Kopits.
"Steven! Look! Look at her hands and feet!" Dr. McKusick said. "She plays the piano and she's an artist! And SHE OWNS AND RIDES HORSES BAREBACK!"
Before Dr. McKusick dragged me on, I managed to say to Dr. Kopits with laughter, "I had hoped to...oops! Gotta go! So happy to meet youuu!"
Dear sweet Dr. McKusick...when he completed his impromptu show and tell, had me sit down in the busy corridor. After he walked away, Dr. Kopits and he began talking together...and looking my way.
A few moments after Dr. McKusick and Dr. Kopits spoke, Dr, Kopits came to me and asked if he could take me on as a patient, and would I be willing to wait and see him after he finished with his other patients. WOW...like I had anywhere ELSE to go?!! "Yes!"
We had this conversation around 9:45 A.M. I was his last patient and saw him around 7:30 P.M. and absolutely did not mind. One of the very first questions he asked was, "Please tell me, HOW do you get ON your horse?!!"
He had all my records and at first, could not believe I was able to walk again following the bleed out and hematoma paralysis of my most recent spine surgery. With his nurse he spent over an hour with me. We also discussed the new spine pain I was experiencing, which turned out to be the arachnoiditis.
Dr. Kopits asked if I could remain in Baltimore for at least four weeks. Financially, I told him there was no way I possibly could. He said, "Wait a moment," and made a call.
Where Dr. Kopits was staffed at the hospital in Towson, Maryland, the hospital had a Ronald McDonald kind of house on the property just for the patients and families of Dr. Kopits. He secured a room for me.
Since neither Dr. Kopits, his nurse, or myself had eaten all day, he wanted to take us out to eat. Hours earlier I wasn't even his patient...hadn't even met him before, and with his nurse, I had been asked to join him for dinner! All because I took a step of courage.
The specially designed House I stayed in, had low sinks, toilets, bathtubs, etc. just for a little person 3' tall. It was amazing. I had to actually get on my knees when at the sink! For the first time in my entire life I felt what it was like to be "tall."
My first Saturday in Baltimore, Dr. Kopits came and watched the Preakness horse race with me. He hadn't seen it before!
I was seen by many doctors, including a renown hematologist, and underwent many tests. One in particular not only revealed the arachnoiditis, but the severity of it. And my blood counts were still out of control, necessitating many transfusions. This is when Dr. Kopits asked if I could move to Maryland. There was no doubt my physical future would be a very daunting one, and it grieved him.
He was a dear man...an incredible man, and a very gifted orthopaedic surgeon who deeply cared about all his patients and was beloved by all. Sadly, in 2003, after a courageous fight, Dr. Kopits succumbed to a brain tumor.
If I did not have the courage to take that step of a thousand miles to make it to Baltimore, I never would have known many things about my medical journey. And most of all, never would have known such an amazing doctor.
Have courage dear ones, to take that single step.
Wednesday, July 15, 2020
Adelaide's aplomb...
*Websters definition of aplomb is: a state of mind or manner marked by composure, an easy coolness; freedom from uncertainty, or embarrassment.
As you now know, hilarious things can happen to this Little Person!
Like when I used to have speaking engagements. Well, as you know, podiums are designed for an average height person...NOT a person of MY height. Often I would have to stand on a chair to be seen over the podium and to reach the microphone.
No problem, right?
Wrong.
Sometimes one can forget one is height compromised if one is standing on a chair when speaking. And it comes time for that person to make a grand exit away from the podium...and then...AND THEN...suddenly go gracefully flying through the air in front of a large audience.
Falling off my horses has served me well though, you see. To help prevent injury and save face, if one falls in one smooth free flowing event, one may eventually end up back on one's feet like the whole thing was meant to happen just to show how very talented and athletic one can be in these things.
So this talent served me quite well with aplomb when I had a memory lapse, forgetting I was standing on a chair before a large crowd of people.
Sometimes aplomb is needed to grab a moment.
In a city I once lived was a gentleman who was the official Santa...and he looked just like Santa too, with a real white beard, red clothing, and spectacles. One day during the Christmas Season, I was in a busy grocery store shopping. As I hurried around a corner up a crowded aisle, I ran right smack into Santa.
For a moment we both looked at each other in complete surprise.
Seizing the moment, I blurted out, "Santa! I know I should be with the other elves up North right now, but there were things we needed from this store!"
He went with it, and replied, "Ho Ho Ho! We've been so busy, I understand, my little one! I had to come also. Did the reindeer bring you too?"
"No, because they are all with you! But I found another way to get here."
Back and forth we went. You should have seen not only the faces of the kids in that aisle, but the adults! They were totally transfixed. They absolutely loved us! By grabbing a moment with aplomb, we gave a bunch of harried adults and tired kids a moment they will likely never forget. Besides having fun doing it. A touch of wonder moment in Aisle 10.
Having aplomb is a wonderful thing, dear ones. Grab hold of aplomb and land on your feet.
As you now know, hilarious things can happen to this Little Person!
Like when I used to have speaking engagements. Well, as you know, podiums are designed for an average height person...NOT a person of MY height. Often I would have to stand on a chair to be seen over the podium and to reach the microphone.
No problem, right?
Wrong.
Sometimes one can forget one is height compromised if one is standing on a chair when speaking. And it comes time for that person to make a grand exit away from the podium...and then...AND THEN...suddenly go gracefully flying through the air in front of a large audience.
Falling off my horses has served me well though, you see. To help prevent injury and save face, if one falls in one smooth free flowing event, one may eventually end up back on one's feet like the whole thing was meant to happen just to show how very talented and athletic one can be in these things.
So this talent served me quite well with aplomb when I had a memory lapse, forgetting I was standing on a chair before a large crowd of people.
Sometimes aplomb is needed to grab a moment.
In a city I once lived was a gentleman who was the official Santa...and he looked just like Santa too, with a real white beard, red clothing, and spectacles. One day during the Christmas Season, I was in a busy grocery store shopping. As I hurried around a corner up a crowded aisle, I ran right smack into Santa.
For a moment we both looked at each other in complete surprise.
Seizing the moment, I blurted out, "Santa! I know I should be with the other elves up North right now, but there were things we needed from this store!"
He went with it, and replied, "Ho Ho Ho! We've been so busy, I understand, my little one! I had to come also. Did the reindeer bring you too?"
"No, because they are all with you! But I found another way to get here."
Back and forth we went. You should have seen not only the faces of the kids in that aisle, but the adults! They were totally transfixed. They absolutely loved us! By grabbing a moment with aplomb, we gave a bunch of harried adults and tired kids a moment they will likely never forget. Besides having fun doing it. A touch of wonder moment in Aisle 10.
Having aplomb is a wonderful thing, dear ones. Grab hold of aplomb and land on your feet.
Becoming III
When I originally posted this in early March, it became, and still is, the most read piece I have shared as hundreds read it, which I found touching. For those who may have missed "Becoming" the first time, here it is again...
It's not what your challenges do to you in life. Because it's what you become by your challenges that matters through life.
It's not what your challenges do to you in life. Because it's what you become by your challenges that matters through life.
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